10 Minutes
by B-RScherbatskyStinson
Summary: This is what happens in 10 minutes between Barney and Robin during "Sandcastles In The Sand" while watching the video. What happens when feelings are too strong to ignore any longer and give into temptation and their feelings for each other. Exploring, B/R's relationship from their first time to when they get married.
1. I Want This

**So, I had this idea for a fic but I wanted it to be something that would go along with my fics from seasons like my "Expecting" fic. I came up with this idea because I wanted to explore more about the night BR first slept together, I wanted to show their feelings and thoughts on this night because I feel like there's more to this night then meets the eye. I want to explore the aftermath of them sleeping together and the confusion of feelings that led up to them falling in love. So, I wanted to first explore things from that first night together and why Robin had been looking at him during that whole time.**

 **I also want to point out that it is their anniversary, it's also 2016 but because I don't believe or take that episode that shall not be named or talked about here again. I think they would have had a very happy life together, exploring the world and doing their thing. I also wanted to write a story where they don't have kids or a messy relationship because I feel that they had the most real relationship on the show and their friendship was very important for their later relationship and their growth as people.**

 **Happy anniversary, Barney & Robin I hope you all like this fic.**

* * *

It's been 10 minutes. 10 minutes of sitting on her couch watching her younger self running on a beach in slow motion. 10 minutes have past since they started watching this video, 10 minutes of silence in the room, you could literally hear nothing but breathing and the TV itself but nothing else. It's been 10 whole minutes without talking, 10 minutes sitting inches apart from each other in complete awkward silence. But, it's also been 10 minutes for Robin to make up her mind on the fifth re-watch of the video, that she is going to kiss him. He hadn't looked at her since before they started watching the video, she knew she wanted to kiss him since earlier at Maclaren's, after being so sweet and cheering her up after she cried on his shoulder about wanting to be 16 again. Just, that alone made her feel so much better for the first time this day and night but mostly night so she invited him over to show him her secret video, because he is so into her Robin Sparkles days. For some reason she doesn't know why, but he loves them so in return of being so sweet to her and cheering her up after her breakdown she wanted to make him happy just like he did for her.

So, it's been 10 minutes of silence, sitting quiet on the couch watching her video for the seventh time when she started to move a little closer to him with each passing re-watch. It took her 10 minutes to make up her mind that she will kiss him, she will start to make the move on him to see how he reacts to her becoming so close to him. On, the ninth re-watch they are not even inches apart anymore, they are literally sitting shoulder to shoulder, leg to leg, knee to knee, elbow to elbow, hip to hip and they both can feel the other one's breath become quicker and both became very aware, especially Barney who's eyes were glued to the TV and not paying attention to what Robin was doing because number 1 he was so into the video and 2 he was a little nervous with all the awkward silence between them that his nerves stopped him from looking over at her.

On the tenth re-watch of the video Barney and Robin were now sitting so close to each other they can literally feel the other one's body pressed up against the other one. They are still not talking, but after so much silence and nothing happening in the last 10 minutes since starting the video he finally turns to her, caught off guard with her sitting so close that he can feel her body up against his, she's breathing harder and seems to be looking, more like staring at him. This isn't the first time she had been looking at him since coming to her apartment and watching this where she's looking at him but it's Barney's first time that he had noticed her looking at him.

Since starting the video, Robin's eyes were glued to both the TV and Barney wanting to see his reaction to the video but she was really watching him. She was thinking this whole time rather or not she should make a move on him. She had been wanting to kiss him, but she wasn't sure if she should. She told herself that they are friends, they are best friends, he's her best friend over and over again within the 10 minutes before deciding to move a little closer to him. It took 10 minutes for her to make up her mind that she doesn't care. She's debated with herself not only tonight but for a long time, she doesn't know how long she's been wanting him, she knows that she's always been attracted to him, she's always felt this magnetic attraction to him. For the two and a half years since meeting him, she knew she liked him, she knew she was attracted to him right away but because they had become such great friends in these almost three years since knowing each other and there is no doubt in her mind that being his friend is a wonderful thing. However, her attraction to him and that instant feeling that there has been just something there between them that was undeniable.

She, can't help but wonder if she had these unsuspecting feelings for him all this time. It just hit her on this night, how these feelings seemed to just sneak up on her so quickly but have been there this whole time since meeting each other.

So, as she debated for these 10 minutes if she should just go for it she wanted to do this right. She wanted for this moment to be… she doesn't know, special? She didn't want to just up and ask him to kiss her and she didn't want to seem desperate to sleep with him. But, she figured that however this will happen it will happen as a caught-off-guard moment, she didn't want to freak him out or have him leave her apartment. She wanted to do this, she wanted to kiss him and she's wanted to sleep with him, for the longest time there was this great sexual tension between them and in recent months she felt it on fire, it was very real and very present, she didn't know what this thing was between them but all she knew is that she does have some weird feelings for him she doesn't quite know the name of. She doesn't know what this is between them but she knows she wants to find out.

So, she moves over until she's next to him, more like up against him literally feeling his body heat against her own body. She feels it, whatever this is, this instant, pull of heat towards him since she met him and knew she liked him right away but it took her a while to actually see the real man people seem to not know or he seems to hide behind his suits and womanizing. But, he's actually a good guy, he's a good friend, he went all the way to San Francisco to get Lily to come home because he knew that Marshall and Lily are good for each other, they belonged together and Barney knew that. He helped Marshall find a job even though he didn't want to work for a corporate company, but he took the job knowing it would help him and Lily out with the money they needed for their wedding and a life they want together. She doesn't know why Ted doesn't see how good a friend Barney is but she's never going to ask that question… although, she might know the answer, it's jealousy, maybe? But she won't outright ask Ted why he doesn't seem to like or understand Barney.

Even on the day they bro'ed out together, playing laser tag and wingmanning for each other she knew then that he was a good friend and when she found out about Barney's past, before he suited up and became his awesome self that she only knew now about. The past self that he was, she felt terrible for how Shannon dumped him and how sad he seemed to be because of that break up. But, now, she knows that deep down Barney was always that virgin hippie who only did high twos and wanted to join the peace corps. Deep down, Barney is that sweet guy who nobody really gets to witness but she saw something good in him when they first met and that's why she liked him.

They have a lot in common, enjoy each others company, they already seem to have a lot of fun together, they like each other, they became great friends, they care about each other and that should be why they connect. They connect on multiple things, and seem to understand and know each other better already in only these three short years of knowing each other.

Robin Scherbatsky, had always had her guard up, she didn't show her emotions or feelings on anything, people even think she's kind of cold, a robot, with no feelings or concerns for anyone else. But, Barney seems to like her and doesn't see her as the cold, emotionless, unfeeling, robot with not much care in the world. He sees her as this amazing, strong, independent woman who is a great person and an awesome friend who does care. People think they are both emotionless people but really they are just people, they do have feelings, emotions, and do care for the people they care about.

On the tenth re-watch, she made her decision, she's going to make a move, maybe it will be subtle with her moving slowly closer to him but she knew the battle in her mind for the last ten minutes had her heart winning out in the end.

He looks over at her for the first time this evening and realized that she's staring at him. It was awkward and weird but her eyes seemed to grow bigger in that moment, he was about to say something when she finally just went for it and kissed him hard and quick on the mouth. At, first it was quick, fast even and out of the blue, Barney didn't really react to her kissing him for a minute before joining in and kissing her back. She had slipped her tongue quickly in his mouth right when she first kissed him. He was caught off guard and didn't seem to catch on right away but her mouth instantly on his was like heaven to him.

He always dreamed of what it would be like to kiss Robin Scherbatsky, his best friend who he's been attracted to since they met, he thinks there had been times when he thought there might be something there between them but he didn't want to ruin what had become a friendship, a friendship that had been his best friendship in his lifetime. While he has had these strange, unexpected feelings for her he didn't want to ruin the best friendship he's ever had. But, the moment her lips were on his he felt this sensation go through his body so fast that he didn't know what to do for that moment. He thought for a minute "should I kiss her back?", "should, I push her away knowing what might come if they continued this kiss?", he wasn't sure and for a second he just was frozen against her lips and his head was spinning and his mind was in this constant battle of what ifs.

After a minute he joined in, he kissed her back with equal passion but then thought against it after a couple of minutes pushing her away from him but still keeping a hold around her waist. Her hand was on the back of his head, her other hand was around his back, his hands were holding her in place, one around her waist and the other on her neck. He wants this, he wants this so bad but knows this could possibly ruin everything between them and the group too but more so their friendship. This could also change everything between them, rather it was for the good or not he doesn't want to mess up the best friendship he's ever had. So, he pushed her away and asks…

"Are you sure?" He wanted to make sure that she's not just kissing him because he did something nice for her tonight. He wanted this, he wanted to do this, with her because god knows he's been fantasizing about this moment since he met her. But, he can't ruin what they have built in these three years.

"Yes!" She starts but pauses, she does wants this. She's thought about this all night and if she's being honest with herself she's wanted this since they met. It's why she decided to kiss him after 10 minutes of debating her mind versus her heart.

"I mean, want to. I've thought about it and I want to." She tells him, her breath was starting to calm down a bit from the kiss a minute ago but she knows she didn't want that kiss to stop and knows it might either be a good thing or a bad thing for their relationship and could either ruin what they had built or change everything in the good way. All she knows is that she's had these feelings come on for a few weeks now and wants this. She wants this so bad that the moment she kissed him she felt this jolt of something go through her body and it exploded in her heart.

"But, I don't want this to mess anything up between us. Don't get me wrong but I've always wanted this, for a long time I've been attracted to you but I really liked our friendship and what we have I don't want to ruin what we have. I want this, but if we continue I don't want this to ruin our friendship." Barney, had been really nervous this whole time, he knew that she was looking at him for the longest time, it's why he kept his eyes on the TV because it was tempting to look over and he knew if he did something would likely happen. So, he didn't and kept his nerves and eyes on the video in front of him, which was entertaining enough to keep his attention.

"It's not..." she means it, they are already friends and yes that friendship means a lot to her but she made up her mind and she isn't changing it. She wants this, the moment her lips connected with his it was all over. That moment proved to her that her body and mind won over any concerns she had.

"I-I, have had these feelings for you, Barney and I know our friendship means a lot to me too but haven't you felt something towards me for a good while now?" This wasn't supposed to go this way, she didn't want to have a discussion about this she just wanted to keep kissing him. "I know I have."

Surprisingly, he's being a gentleman and a good friend which is even more a turn on and the more he's acting this way and being so nice to her… it makes her realize that she doesn't want to ruin what they have built. But, she wants this, and he wants this, they both know they want to continue their kiss to explore where it will lead and the more they delay this the more the moment passes.

"Of course, I've had feelings for you since we met. I felt this sudden attraction to you, sure I've always dreamed of kissing you or sleeping with you but after sometime your friendship started to be more important than getting to sleep with you." He confesses, he's always known since they met that he's been attracted to her, but because her friendship, that meant something to him he didn't pursue her knowing that it could ruin what they have.

"And, your friendship means a lot to me too but… I want this, I've never felt anything like what I'm feeling for you, and right now I want to. I want this, because I want you. It doesn't, it wouldn't ruin our friendship or what we have built since meeting each other but I've thought about it all this time since we came back here and all my thoughts about if we should, if I should kiss you over lapped in my mind and heart and suddenly I made my decision to kiss you. So, yes, Barney I want this and no it's not going to ruin anything between us."

Those were the last words before he kissed her, this time it was him who kissed her first and she instantly responded opening her mouth for him and connecting their tongues. They couldn't believe it, all these short years of knowing each other and fantasizing about this kind of moment was finally happening. Soon, their clothes started to come off and then Robin whispers "bedroom, now." They stumbled towards her bedroom knocking over some things on the table beside the couch and even the lamp that stood on the table. The passion and lust took over and they hit the bed in minutes collapsing with quickened breathing and her on top at first before he rolled her over for him to be on top and take over. She laughs in between kisses and he moves to explore her neck causing her head to fall back, making her feel something she never felt before with any guy.

A guy who found her sweet spot, she knew or wondered about how good Barney was in bed and man he's more incredible than she's ever imagined in her fantasies. Soon, she's moaning in his ear and calling out his name. There was not much talking, none to be exact and yes they might come to regret this moment of passion or they won't regret it and it will become an awkward mixture of feelings they couldn't control.

But, they continue and all the tension, passion, lust, want, need, took over an their friendship took a back seat. Soon, they didn't care about anything or anyone in this moment and just explored each others bodies causing both of them to feel something both of them will come to realize, this night changed everything for them and their friendship. They fell in love, but neither knew what this night would be as they passionately made love for the first time.


	2. This Ruined Everything

Okay, I didn't want this story to be about the gang, this is about B/R and their thoughts on each other so I wanted to show that in this story. I'm going to fill in the blanks to their relationship, the things we already seen on the show won't be included as much as the things that weren't shown. In this chapter I wanted to explain just where their thoughts are and what their feelings towards each other. This won't be about what the gang thinks because they don't matter in this story, it's only what Barney and Robin want and feel so anything with the gang is mostly what we already know from the show.

This chapter, is the morning after which we've seen already but I wanted to give more from their POV's and what they are feeling for each other. This story is about feelings, their feelings and thoughts on each other and this chapter is the rest of season 3 and that following summer. Hope you'll enjoying this thanks for reading and following the story.

* * *

Come the next morning, it was about 6 am they had been in complete silence following their night of passion that didn't cease until the sun started to come up the next morning. To say that they both were speechless would be an understatement, they were just more confused more than ever. They said that this wouldn't ruin anything between them, that they wanted this to happen and they promised each other before they went further with what they were doing the night before. It wouldn't ruin what they had already built as friends. But, the night before clearly did change everything between them and before they knew it was morning, the sun was beaming through the window and neither of them are talking.

In fact, right in this moment it was a lot awkward between them after their night of passionately love making. They didn't know what to do or say in this moment, it was that awkward. It was that moment where you leave, or in this case Barney would leave without much regret or shame but this morning after sleeping with someone, someone who is his best friend, who is also the ex girlfriend of his best friend. He doesn't know what to do in these kinds of moments where the girl he sleeps with is one of the most important people in his life, a bro who had become surprisingly something more to him. He can't find the right words to say so he begins to just randomly start an awkward, post-sex, conversation. A conversation that he normally would never have with someone he just slept with. In fact, he doesn't talk much at all after sex he either leaves without much talking to his bed partner or he would leave a note, sometimes with a fake name.

But, this was Robin. His, best friend Robin who he sees every day and doesn't get to just leave a note with a fake name when she knows his real name. He simply can't do much of anything he would usually do when he sleeps with some random skank. No, this, he has to stay in this bed and start an awkward after-sex, conversation he didn't want to have. And, Robin was just hoping he would just leave but her heart didn't have the guts or energy to kick him out or yell at him to get out. Of course, she wouldn't do that especially since he's her friend and does see him every day whether she wants to or not. No, she has to just deal with the post-sex, awkwardness of this moment and endear this weird conversation because even if her stomach is turning and she feels sick. Robin Scherbatsky, just doesn't want to kick Barney Stinson out of her apartment.

At first. But, after some more awkwardness and some annoyance on Robin's side of things. She kicks him out, even if it felt like kicking Barney in the balls and she felt awful for even doing this. But, she just couldn't keep laying in her bed, listening to his voice because she just tuned out most of what he was saying to her. And, once Barney did leave and she was alone in her bathroom, that is when she has the first breakdown of many over her weird, sudden feelings for her best friend she just had one hot, passionate night with.

She cried, as she heard her front door shut before turning on the shower hoping upon hope that Barney didn't hear her breaking down in tears which soon turned into sobs in her bathroom.

Barney, hated leaving like this. Sometimes he wouldn't care about leaving some chicks apartment and he didn't care about the girls feelings, he'd leave an apartment without much guilt or feelings at all after he sleeps with someone. But, this isn't just someone he didn't care about or sees. This is his friend, someone he cares about and even _loves?_ That's not it, Barney Stinson doesn't do love. Period. But, Robin is so much more than a one night stand and he feels both weird and awful once he left Robin's apartment.

When, Robin is done sobbing and showering she exits her bathroom wrapped in her towel, her eyes are red and bloodshot from the crying earlier, her stomach is in literally knots, her head is still spinning, her mind is still thinking about what happened the night before and all she could do is start crying again as she sits on her bed, taking the pillow that Barney had been previously laying on and presses it to her face, sobbing into it. She doesn't know how to feel, she doesn't know what to do, she doesn't know what's going to happen, she doesn't know how she will ever be able to face Barney after this. She doesn't know what do but all she knows is that this really did change everything.

She didn't want this to change anything between them, she told him it wouldn't but who is she kidding? Of course, sleeping with your best friend and having these weird feelings course through her body causing her to feel nauseated. She can't have this happen, she can't lose Barney over one night of amazing, hot, passionate, god dammit this was the best most confusing night of her life and now things are going to both be awkward with Barney and will indeed change their relationship. She doesn't know what will happen now that Barney left, without even a second look or concern about the fact that they just slept together. Instead, they laid there sharing in small awkward chit chat staring at the ceiling, not really doing much or saying much of anything after they had the night they just had together.

As, Barney walks into his apartment he knew that this is going to change everything. He hated this. He knew that if they slept together it would ruin their friendship and he was right, it has and now he doesn't know what to do or what to say because now everything has changed between them and it is completely weird and he feels sick to his stomach knowing that this will either be even more awkward with Robin or they will go back to where things were before last night changed their relationship forever. Whatever does happen, Barney knows one thing that he had never in his adult life had never felt anything remotely as amazing as what happened last night with Robin. He, never felt such a connection to someone he's slept with and last night was so passionate, Robin was quite amazing, he had always imagined what it would be like to sleep with her but man he didn't expect how amazing it really was.

That's why, when he talked to Marshall about what happened with Robin the only thing good in that conversation was the fact that he didn't feel an ounce of regret, he might feel a little weird and things with Robin might be awkward for a while but he's never felt anything like he did with Robin with someone else before. When he left her apartment, after the weirdness subsided and the guilt went away. What he feels now is something else entirely. Something he doesn't know what but it was something incredible. He doesn't know how Robin feels or what she thinks right now but for him it felt like he had not just had sex with his best friend, but actually had made love which is something he would never admit to doing when he sleeps with someone. This, made him think about what happened the night before when he went back to his apartment.

It was only 9 in the morning but he needed a drink. Desperately. He wanted to go to MacLaren's but knew he might see the gang there and or run into Robin even this early in the morning. So, he didn't go out to drink he stayed home pouring himself a big glass of scotch. Usually, he would take sips straight from the bottle but this called for a whole glass of the cool liquid which he is now on his second glass and counting.

After she stopped sobbing and fixed herself up, she got dressed pulled herself together and put on that fake smile she does best then heads off to work trying to wipe what happened the night before off her mind so she can have a clear mind during her work hours. It was a good thing that people just started to talk to her once she entered the Metro News 1 studios. Because if she didn't have people distract her, her mind would go wandering and she just couldn't have that happen.

Barney, calls in sick this day so he stays home in his drunken stupor for the rest of the day. He just wanted to not feel anything right now, he wanted to just be numb and try to wipe his mind off of what happened the night before.

The next evening, the gang all met at Maclaren's for their usual get together causing Barney and Robin to have one of their many awkward moments which would continue for another day or so before Robin breaks and tells someone about what happened between her and Barney. Barney, however, he talked about that night with Marshall the next day. After a day of getting stinking drunk trying to wipe his mind off of what happened. He does get up and goes to work the next day, remembering that he had a meeting with Marshall that morning.

And, that's when the guilt takes over his mind and he bursts out what happened with Robin. For Robin, the guilt boiled over when she went over to Ted's apartment and blurted out that she slept with Barney.

She doesn't know why she should feel so guilty, she doesn't really owe Ted a reason why she slept with Barney but it just slipped out and the more she kept it in the more she would have exploded, no matter where or who, she exploded the truth out and things with the group had turned very quickly after that. Ted, stopped talking to Barney, the group took sides, blaming what happened on Barney which made Robin feel even more guilty because after what happened, that night... for her even if she was feeling weird afterwards. She didn't just sleep with him for some revenge or something. She slept with him because she wanted to, because she felt something for him that she doesn't even know what it was, she just felt a weird feeling, that's why she's not blaming this on Barney and feels sick as she sits in Maclaren's trying to drink away the memories of his touch on her skin and his mouth on every inch of her body, without trying to look somewhat like she cares what her friends think. She just needs to wipe the image of him on top of her doing things no man ever did to her, making her glow with pleasure and wanting.

Of, course she wouldn't tell anyone about how she was feeling on that night or would act on whatever it was that she felt for him. But, she will sit here listening to her friends talk and Ted giving her the eye all night. She leaves the bar earlier than the others telling them she needs to work early the next morning.

Barney, however couldn't face Robin. He couldn't go to the bar knowing that Ted was there, still pissed at him for sleeping with Robin. But, his main reason for not going to the bar is because he couldn't look at Robin, couldn't talk to her, he just couldn't be around her at all because he just doesn't know what to do and it makes him throw the tumbler he was holding against his refrigerator door causing it to shatter into a million pieces with the golden liquid gliding down the door.

Robin returned home that night feeling numb, she simply couldn't feel anything but numb because that's how she feels. She has feelings for Barney, there's no doubt that it's feelings she's feeling. Weird, crazy, un-like-Scherbatsky feelings she doesn't know how to explain and that's why, when Lily tries to get more details out of her on her night with Barney she went a bit too far and told her that it wasn't that great. But, knew it was the best sex she's ever had, it was something so wonderful and a moment that is only for her memories to remember.

But, those feelings. She can't have those types of feelings for him, there's no way he would feel anything for her knowing that he doesn't get feelings for any girl he sleeps with even if she is his best friend. No, Barney Stinson doesn't do feelings and Robin knew that, hell she constantly asks herself why Barney is the way he is when it comes to feelings and relationships but maybe she asks that about him because she's the same way when it comes to feelings and relationships.

Later, this night they both go to bed thinking about the other and wondering if the other has feelings of some kind for one another. This night, made them both realize that the night they slept together was the night that changed everything for them. They hadn't talked much or hung out with each other due to both being still a bit freaked out over their night together and didn't know how to deal with these weird, unknown, sudden feelings for each other.

A few of weeks later, really changed everything even more between them when Barney had that bus accident… but, neither knew how to deal with their feelings so they brushed it off until that summer when Robin started to take care of him while he was healing from the accident. Barney, finally realized he was in love with Robin, and Robin realized that there is no doubt that there is something more there between them that she didn't want to admit yet. Barney and Robin spend this entire summer together, any chance they got they spent it together, wherever they were or whatever they did, they did it together.

The fall came fast and everything once again changed even more for them.


	3. Everything Has Changed

I wanted to show in this chapter what Barney was really feeling and how he came to have the feelings he had for Robin during the summer between seasons 3 and 4. We never really see how his feelings for her came to be so I wanted to go into a deeper detail on this. I also wanted to explained why Barney and Robin don't really tell each other how they feel about each other. They took a whole year to tell each other how they feel and show their feelings took that long to come out. I do love their friendship but their whole relationship was great to see play out and I wanted to delve into that in this story.

* * *

The moment Barney Stinson fell in love was the moment that even for him, was surprising. Surprising, because he didn't see it coming, these feelings were already bubbling to the surface for weeks. It has only been three weeks since he and Robin slept together and in those three weeks he seemed to miss her. He missed talking to her, missed sitting next to her in the booth at the bar, missed looking at her, missed playing around and teasing her and her teasing him, he missed her smile and the way she has this sparkle in her eyes every time she looks at him, smiles at him or laughs at one of his jokes. He just plain missed her. They haven't really had much interaction since that night they slept together but the uneasiness and the weird tension between them started to cease a bit in the last week before Barney's accident. The accident that would change everything for him and for Robin.

Barney, never thought he would feel this way only a day after his bus accident. It really crept up on him, he didn't see it coming and didn't think that that one night together would ever change anything between them. Yes, he thought it would change things between them but he didn't think it would change like this.

The moment that changed things for him was the moment in his hospital room when Robin was telling the story about her dog turning into a turtle. Although, he thinks it wasn't that particular moment that changed everything for him and he knows that these feelings had been there, in his heart, in his mind, in him for, well since he met her. He doesn't know when he really started having these feelings for his best friend, but all he knows now is that the night they had together was something that was both confusing and amazing all in the same and now things will definitely be different for him and maybe for Robin too.

The moment Barney had his accident, the guilt started to take over her mind. Up until now, the moment she heard that Barney got hit by a bus because he was desperate to see Ted and to see if he was okay. Hit her, more than she ever began to think. It was so sudden and so real, for Robin she knew that the night she and Barney had would change things between them and man did it ever. It hit her when she found out about the bus accident and the emotions and guilt she held tightly in herself came boiling over and that's when she realized that the feelings she's been having within these three weeks were real as well.

For, both Barney and Robin the feelings came to a head at different moments but there was no doubt in both of their minds that they felt something. Something that was sudden, something that was present, something that was there for quite a while, and something that was real. More real than they both thought, that's why Robin wanted to spend every chance she had with Barney after his accident. The guilt settled in and busted out at the same time and she felt more guilty than ever before. The thought of losing Barney, when she found out about the accident was too much for her to handle. Her feelings turned into a deeper guilt and she found herself at Barney's door once Barney was well enough to go home.

"Robin, what are you doing here?" Barney asked standing with his hand on the door wondering what Robin was doing in front of him.

Barney had only been home a day, he was still not physically better from the accident yet but he was trying to walk again. It was hard for him to even walk from his couch to his front door but he tried by getting in his wheelchair and wheeling himself over to the stoop that led to his front door, pushed himself up and off the chair and braced himself on the stand beside him then walks slowly a couple of steps to open the door to a sad looking Robin. Frowning, as he sees her but with a smile frown because this is the first time in weeks that they have really seen each other and are alone since that following morning after they slept together.

"Um. I, I just..." her voice was low and whispery, he barely heard her say the word "just" but he smiled anyway and she continued. "I wanted to see how you were doing." She finally tells him not looking directly at him.

The moment she saw him, looking like he was in pain but still giving his best smile he could muster. It, really, in this moment made her feel like it was her that was hit by that bus. Of, course he isn't doing better. He looked horrible, in pain from the accident, dressed down and not in a suit and it was almost like the man she has known all these years is someone she doesn't know.

"Well, if you can see I'm not really doing well." He says trying to move a little with his feet while still holding the door to keep himself up and steady.

"I can see that." Her voice doesn't change from the moment she starts talking and he could tell that there was something going on with her that she isn't telling him or showing him.

"Uh, do you want to come in?" He asked. He really did miss her, it hit him the moment he saw her at his door but it's only now that he realized just how much he had missed her.

"Um, I guess so." She says in a light voice, her tone still quiet and kind of sad which Barney immediately picked up on.

He moves a little so she can enter the apartment then closes the door behind her. He walked back a couple of steps to his wheelchair but had trouble getting down the step he was standing on. Robin saw his struggle and immediately helped him get into his chair then turned the chair so he can wheel himself which he told her he can do on his own but she insisted that she should help wheel him. He let her help him and she wheeled him over to the couch. He remained sitting in the chair and Robin sat down on the couch in silence. There was a while of complete quietness, they were silent trying to find the right words to say but neither knew what to say. They hadn't really talked in these three weeks or seen each other until the hospital but both were feeling an uneasy feeling just sitting in silence looking everywhere they could but each other.

In this moment, it wasn't easy for them to just start talking like they did before that night that changed their lives forever. These types of moments were difficult for them because they didn't know what to do or say to each other anymore and they both hated it and felt like they didn't know what they should do next. It wasn't like that morning after they slept together with all the awkwardness and weird tension. No, this was different and both knew it and felt it but neither would tell each other what they felt in this moment.

It took them months to realize or even tell each other how they really felt but in this moment of silence both knew that the moment they slept together really did change everything between them whether they liked this feeling or didn't, they knew it changed everything.

"I'm so, sorry. For, everything that's happened." Robin finally broke the silence between them after minutes of silence, finding the right thing to say was hard but she hated just sitting her staring at his big screen TV without doing or saying anything and it soon became unbearable to sit in this weird silence.

"I didn't want this to change anything between us. But, it did and now what?" He was so sure that this wouldn't change their friendship but it has, it changed their entire relationship and the way they think of each other. They know they aren't just friends anymore and they know that the reason they slept together was because they had feelings for each other. Neither knew how to handle their feelings so they do what comes naturally to them. They deny, deny, deny, run, run, run, cry, cry, cry and become people they never wanted to be. In months and years after they slept together became something all too real and both felt it for a long time but neither knew how to deal with these types of feelings.

"I don't know." Robin's says flatly, not looking at him at this moment because if she did she knows that there's something there between them that she has felt for a long time now but told herself even in this moment that she shouldn't go there. She feels something for him that she can't deny but also can't say out loud or to his face or to anyone really. She just feels something but doesn't know what to do and Barney also feels this way.

"All I know is..." he pauses, sadly looking down at his own finger nails. He feels himself almost in tears, he can't be this emotional and show her his real feelings because he knows she might not feel anything for him but guilt over their night together. "I can't lose you. As a friend." He couldn't tell her how he truly felt because he can't look like a fool who loves a girl who doesn't love him back and he told himself years ago he would never do that to himself again.

"I can't lose you either, as a friend. You are my best friend, but that night obviously changed everything and we promised each other it wouldn't." She finally confesses her own feelings on that night and how stupid she feels now thinking that that night wouldn't change their friendship or anything between them but it did and now she doesn't know what to do with those sudden feelings that are now starting to become all too real and true for her.

She knows she has these feelings that she can't deny but it takes her years to realize that those feelings are love. She has been in love with Barney for a long long time and the moment he proposed was the moment she knew she couldn't let him go. She is in love, something she told herself she didn't want. A relationship with someone who had come to mean something more to her in the years after their night together. Robin, knew that it would change things but told herself and Barney that it wouldn't but she was kidding herself when she thought she wasn't feeling anything for him both before they slept together, after they slept together and months and years later that those feelings she felt in that moment and after was indeed love.

Both, of them would fall in love in the following years but neither knew how strong and how real their feelings actually were back when they slept together and after.

During this summer, Robin felt both the guilt of that night, Barney's accident and her feelings for him come to a head. So, this day Robin made Barney a promise.

"Okay, I'm going to ask you something but I don't want you to say anything. I just want to say this and then I will leave." She wanted to ask him if she can come by maybe a couple of times a week to help him with his recovery and she also wanted to make it up to him. To, apologize in her own way for what happened between them and what happened because of what happened between them.

There was also something else. Something, she wanted him to promise her and even if she shows some of what she's feeling right now then so be it. She came here for a reason and that reason is Barney.

"Okay." He looked up at her, in the eye and she struggled a bit to ask this but she can't back out because she would feel even more regretful for what had happened recently and she just can't do that and have him be mad at her or lose their friendship.

Their friendship was the reason why they told themselves that they couldn't have a relationship with each other. This promise though would change everything even more for both of them and soon make them realize that they weren't doing this to hold onto their friendship it was so much more and both knew that within the next few months and even the years that followed.

"Promise me that we won't lose each other because of this." She finally looked up and into his eyes, he looked like he was about to cry. His eyes were shiny and looked wet and she noticed the change in his demeanor right away.

"Of course we won't. Robin, you are too my best friend I said I didn't want to lose you as a friend and I meant that." He looks at her honestly and with hope in his eyes for the first time in weeks.

He feels better, actually he feels alive again after these three weeks and this life changing situation. Okay, situations. Them sleeping together and the bus accident really did change their lives forever and in this moment, this is the moment when both knew that neither could or would really let each other go. Whether they were friends or something more they knew that they would always have each other no matter what happens in their lives and neither wanted to lose what they have together. Their friendship or at this point lack there of. It means a lot to them, and that's why they denied being in love for a long time in the years that follow.

She smiles at him, with a true happy smile on her face for the first time in weeks and she and they finally had found some peace in their lives and friendship.

After this, Robin leaves but for two days out of the weeks that follow she comes over to help him with whatever he needed and to keep him company. Their feelings were put on hold but they still felt more than just a friendship between them during this summer and that's why Barney finally told someone about his feelings for Robin. And, that someone was Lily.


	4. Back To Normal or Is it?

This chapter and the next chapter will focus on season 4, I will do the same thing for each season for 2 chapters as the story goes on. I wanted to do a story with not much dialog and so far I enjoy writing this because it's a little different than my other fics. So, I loved season 4, Barney being in love with Robin was great to watch, their relationship in that season was great so I wanted to show where their feelings are and how they came to be and why they decided to try a relationship at the end of that season.

Also, I want to make it clear that Robin was NOT having any feelings for Ted during this season and wanted to really give her a POV because she never got to have that much in the show. Robin has feelings for Barney, during the entire season 4 season and I wanted to show that she did have feelings for him when you don't see those feelings be returned until the end of the season. But, I have this headcanon that Robin was having feelings for Barney during season 4 and after but I will get to that in later season chapters. But, I believe Robin doesn't have any feelings for Ted after season 3, at least. So I wanted to give her an opinion and show her feelings in her own way. She, I believe only starts to think about or go to Ted when she's feeling alone, lonely or is losing Barney and everything she does between season 3 and season 9 is because of Barney. I want to believe that she doesn't have feelings for anyone except Barney after they sleep together.

I also love that Robin is the type to latch onto someone as a crutch and that's why she let's herself let Ted do whatever he wants for her but isn't truly in love with him and I don't think she ever really will be. Her focus is on Barney after they sleep together and that's another headcanon I have.

* * *

Through the summer of 2008, Barney and Robin had found themselves becoming more closer, not just as friends but they really started to understand each other more than both thought already. After, they decided to make their own pact with each other by agreeing to always never lose each other. They high fived in their Barney & Robin way but it didn't feel like their other high fives because this highfive had a promise to it, the other high fives were simply for fun or in the heat of a conversation or excitement but this one was much more important. After, they high fived Robin left Barney's apartment and went home.

Before this happened, Robin had been really depressed and unhappy for days. Of course, no one knew that she was feeling this way, she did her normal thing and didn't let her feelings show in her daily routines. She would go to work, act like everything was fine and normal, do the news, either go home or go to the bar but she tried to not let her unknown feelings for Barney show. She, meets up with the gang at the bar, Barney would also be there but neither of them really talked to each other or looked at each other much during that time. The more she and Barney had kept a distance from each other, the more she felt like she was losing him. Losing their friendship, losing just having an easy lighthearted conversation with him, losing the ability to look at herself in the mirror whenever she needed to and most of all she thought that she was losing her best friend.

So, that's why Robin ended up at Barney's door hoping that he wasn't mad at her or regretting their night together or is sad or sick, other than him getting hit by a bus and breaking almost every bone in his body that is. She wanted to know, she had to see him because all she knew is that there was some part of her that really missed him. She missed seeing him, missed talking to him, missed laughing at his jokes rather it was a dirty joke or just an on the cuff kind of joke, she missed sitting next to him at the booth and him sitting so close that she could literally feel his body heat up against herself, causing her mind to start going to that fantasy place in her mind. The place where her fantasy and her reality start to mess with her mind. She just missed being around him, for some reason she felt like she already lost him and if she let this odd tension and awkwardness go on she thought that she just might end up losing him, that's the last thing she wants so she ends up kind of apologizing to Barney about what had happened between them and after that the days, weeks and the short three months went by and before they knew it they were both feeling easier around each other and like their friendship was still intact.

That summer, they hung out almost everyday, Robin would go to Barney's to help him in his recovery from his accident. They would talk and hang out, Robin would cook and clean for him because he couldn't do that himself, and he never cooks anyway so that was a plus.

During the summer they discovered new things about each other, like why Barney doesn't have any food in his refrigerator and why he doesn't like to show his real self more rather than his fake self or selves. They talked about everything from their pasts to what they both have been up to recently. They talked about everything but the elephant in the room regarding their feelings for each other.

The summer went by and soon it was the fall, as the seasons change so does Barney demeanor when it comes to holding his true feelings in. He started to say and do things that were out of character, but nobody noticed. He tried to be his normal/natural self while being around the gang, the only one who did notice was Robin, but she didn't say anything and acted like there was nothing going on with Barney or herself. She knew, though that he had been acting quite oddly in recent days but didn't want to ask him what's going on and she didn't want the gang to ask questions either. But, she knew why Barney was acted unlike himself, it's the same reason why when they all meet up at the bar earlier she tried to stay calm and not show any feelings or ask any questions.

When, Robin comes to the bar after a long work day she has had it with her job. She hated it, that was saying a little. She couldn't stand the people at the station, she hated the puns they make her do all the time, she hated how little her boss cared about the news or being professional. She just wanted out of this job, but knew she had to stay out of loyalty and the fact that this job is all she has at this time.

So, when she got to Maclaren's she was pissed, started to ramble on about how much her job sucked. Everybody, didn't really seem to care about her ramblings except for Barney. Who without her noticing, had been staring at her since she sat down at the table and started to talk about her job. He wanted to help her, but didn't know if he should do something so he himself started to ramble on about how great she is and how the joke that wasn't so much a joke was funny. Nobody, caught onto his rambling but he noticed that Lily was looking at him weirdly when he went on about how great Robin's joke was.

That's when he made up his mind that if he doesn't talk to someone about these weird feelings for Robin then he will burst. He hated this feeling, the feeling that he wanted to avoid and told himself to never do… Have feelings for a girl again.

The last time he put himself out there for some girl was Shannon when he first met her but after she dumped him he told himself never to have those feelings again for anyone no matter who they are or how much he has been dreaming of her smile every time he sees her rather it was in real life or in his dreams. There's no doubt in his mind, he has these feelings for Robin, feelings he can't hold in any longer, feelings that he told himself years ago never to have again, feelings that makes him want to say something or run away, so far away that he would forget that Robin Scherbatsky existed. But, he decides that he can't hold this in any longer or he will do something he will regret.

When, Lily comes by after he blows up her phone with calls during the night before. He wanted to just come out with it, right then and there at his front door but instead he let Lily in and started to do the thing he did yesterday at the bar, ramble on about nonsense until Lily stops him.

"I think I'm in love with Robin." He looks pained to say this aloud, but it feels good to get it out, he feels like a load is off his back. He's held this in for so long, he knew that he felt something for Robin but he never admitted to anyone let alone himself that he's in love. The feelings he's feeling is love, deep, yearning love, the kind of love he told himself never to do again. He's in love, if he's really thinking of it as love, he's never actually felt like this before, not even for Shannon.

The moment he said it though, he wanted to take it back but he couldn't so Lily paused and then a minute later smiled and said "that is great" causing Barney to look dumbfounded because he didn't expect her to think his feelings are great. He thought she would say that he is crazy, that Robin doesn't feel anything for him besides friendship but instead she tells him it's great.

"It is not great." He says sitting down on the couch in a heat feeling like someone's just punched him in the stomach. He feels deflated in someway, he just doesn't know what to feel.

Now, Lily knew that Barney was serious about his feelings for Robin and after he tried to ask her out after he embarrassed himself by saying when she got her period. Lily, knew for the first time since knowing Barney, that this new Barney, this new feelings/type Barney, the crazy Barney she knew wasn't there and this new Barney was very present and very serious. She's never seen him like this, ever and that's when she puts a plan into action and calls Robin herself, setting up a secret/blind date for her and Barney without either Barney or Robin knowing it was a set up.

Luckily, Robin agreed to meet Lily for a lunch date but it wasn't her that Robin was meeting with. Instead, she dragged Barney out of his apartment, and to the restaurant where Lily told Robin to meet her there.

Robin wouldn't find out that Lily set her and Barney up on that lunch date for another few month, after Barney and Robin decided to stop ignoring their feelings for each other. Barney told her one day when they were out to dinner, which was at the very restaurant they had their 'first date' in. Robin wasn't at all surprised that Lily set them up on a date, but she didn't mind having lunch with Barney alone. They hadn't been alone together in weeks. Robin had been busy with work and didn't have time to see Barney but by then Barney was fully recovered from his accident and was healing really quickly so she didn't need to help him anymore. While, Robin focused on work Barney needed to find an a distraction so he did what he normally does, sleeps with whoever he gets to sleep with while still fantasizing about Robin. Robin's hair in between his fingers, Robin mouth kissing him everywhere on his body, their bodies connecting in such a way that he knew that he never had that type of feelings with anyone or allowed himself to have that kind of feeling for anyone.

But, Robin. She was different, there hasn't been a moment since that night together where he hasn't thought about her. Fantasized about her. Wanted her. In such a way that whomever he slept with he thought of Robin and tried to forget about her in the same. He simply didn't know how to feel.

Then, their date came unexpectedly from Lily and after that he really couldn't deny it anymore. He was in love, what he told Lily was absolutely the truth. He wanted to tell her that day that he was in love with her, but she left without him getting out what he wanted to tell her.

Robin, however left the restaurant feeling regretful about leaving the way she did. The reason she left him the way she did and pushed that waitress to him was because she knew that he was about to tell her something, something that would change their relationship even more but she didn't want to hear what he wanted to tell her so she chicken out like she usually does when it comes to feelings and left.

She knows, however that she does have feelings for Barney. That fact has been true and real for months, she knows that Barney seems to be feeling the same way. So, for months she denied it, ran to Japan just to get away from her own feelings, it had nothing to do with Ted or him getting married but she told herself that it was because of that just to stop and ignore all the feelings she has for Barney. Deep down, she knows now that Barney has feelings for her and she has feelings for him, that's why she went to his room when everything with Ted was awkward and weird.

She knows she shouldn't have put her feelings for Barney onto Ted especially when he was about to get married. It had nothing to do with feelings for Ted it was because of her feelings for Barney. It's what she always does when it comes to feelings for Barney, she tries too hard to find this crutch to lean on and at times she finds Ted and puts all her feelings onto him when there is no feelings whatsoever for him anymore.

Robin Scherbatsky, by Christmas of this year had finally came to the conclusion that she is in love with Barney. Every problem she has had, rather it was work, a distraction, or Ted was her trying to ignore her feelings and that's why she ran to Japan and why when Barney called to get her to go to Ted's wedding she didn't stop herself from running back home just to see him.

When, Robin needed to get a job in order to stay in the country that has become her home in the last four years. Barney was the one to step up and got her a job "Come On Get Up New York" was an up and coming TV news show it would premiere in the Summer of that year. The summer when Barney and Robin were seeing each other, they still denied being in a relationship, hadn't defined anything between them, but they were in love and there was no denying that that summer truly awoken them both to realize that they are in love.

But, the job Barney got for her had brought her feelings even more to its surface and that's why after that day Robin wasn't sleeping around much as she did before falling for Barney. In fact, the reason why she didn't jump into another serious relationship after her breakup with Barney is because of Barney. No matter what she did or who she was with after they slept together the first time, there was no doubt at all she was in love and only loved one man for along time.

Barney, however found himself any distraction he could before he and Robin got together and after and a few times he tried to commit suicide over his feelings of never stopping loving Robin Scherbatsky. Both, of them even admitted that every guy or girl and distraction was because they never stopped loving each other.

After, their unexpected blind set up date. Both left feeling even more weirder than they were after they first slept together. Realizing, that their feelings were just as strong as ever and after finally getting together neither truly were invested in other relationships, even though both had serious relationships with other people. They both knew that nobody would ever be _them._ Nobody would be Barney for Robin and nobody would be Robin for Barney and they both tried desperately to forget each other and move on but neither could or wouldn't allow themselves to truly love anyone else.


	5. Trying to Figure Us Out

So, I wanted to show Robin's POV in this chapter regarding her feelings for Barney. I wanted to point out that it was always Barney for her and nobody else, she loved Barney. So, This chapter deals with season 4 and the summer of 09 when they were sneaking around and also season 5, when they decide to define their relationship. I wanted to show why they took as long as they did to tell each other about their feelings for each other. I think I showed in a not so subtle way, because let's face it we don't see enough of Robin's side of things, her feelings were never shown to be something the writers on the show wanted to show us. Her personality only really came out when she's with Barney and I wanted to show her feelings for him during this season and season 5.

Sorry, if this is a bit out of character but I wanted to give them a little romance and show their feelings on a more deeper way. This chapter takes place during the summer of 09, in between S4 and S5, when they decide to define their relationship, post breakup and a little bit of season 5. I will continue the season 5 parts of this chapter into the next chapter and show more insight into their POV's and how they felt during that post breakup period of time.

Enjoy this longer chapter I hope this gives you more insight into B/R's POV's especially Robin's side of her feelings for him.

* * *

"So, what are we going to do now?"

Barney and Robin had been sitting on his couch for the past 10 minutes trying to figure out what they are doing, if there's still any feelings there for each other, wanting to tell each other every truthful thing regarding their feelings and it's really awkward, kind of like the morning after they slept together. After, their talk and brief make out session in the hospital neither could stop thinking about each other. It's been two days in this silence pattern, they are going in circles in their minds trying to figure out what's next for them and their relationship.

"I don't know. I," Robin had been silent just as long as Barney has trying to come up with the right thing to say in this situation. It's not a bad situation it's just weird, for the both of them to figure out what they are going to do about the reveal of their feelings.

In the hospital, both couldn't hold anything inside any longer it all just came out so quickly and then that kiss happened. They both couldn't stop thinking about that kiss and what it meant, they don't know what anything means anymore but they do know that there's something there between them and it's present and real and even Robin pointed that out in the hospital. Neither, knew what to do in these awkward situations because for months both kept their feelings hidden so deeply inside themselves and their hearts that for them it's hard to talk about whatever feelings they are feeling and truly let themselves feel something. That something that both are feeling and had been feeling for months.

"What I said in the hospital is true. I do have feelings for you, Barney but I really don't know what to do next. I've had feelings for you for a year. When, Marshall and Lily told me you had these feelings for me and apparently for a year as well. I just couldn't ignore what I've been feeling since we slept together." This was sudden, this confession from her that Barney didn't know she was going to say to him in this moment or really ever.

He thought that she didn't have any feelings for him, maybe she's attractive to him which is obvious by now for the both of them. But, no she flat out tells him that she does have feelings for him. This confession threw him a little because he never thought that she would even feel the same way as he does and it killed him for this whole year to keep his own feelings inside and not explode anytime he sees her or talks to her. But, now that he knows that she had feelings for him this changes everything for him even more than it has already. His feelings are real, they are true and present and so are Robin's so what are they going to do about these feelings they clearly do have for each other?!

"And, then when I heard you talking to Ted I couldn't ignore what I've been feeling for all this time. I-", she pauses to clear her throat so that this next part of what she's about to say is clear to both of them. "I'm in love with you." And, she pauses again looking down at her own fingers trying to distract herself from making eye contact with him.

She never would have said anything if it wasn't for their conversation in the hospital. She told herself it would be better, safer, wiser to hold these feelings she's had inside. So deep within her heart that it would never be revealed to anyone, even Barney. She wanted to never tell anyone about her feelings for Barney because she knew what everyone would say. She didn't want to hear their commentary on what she should do about her own feelings but she couldn't keep them inside any longer and the only person she knew she wanted to talk to about these feelings is Barney. For, a whole year she felt like she would crumble under her own reasoning behind her not saying anything but she couldn't any longer.

"Wow, I don't know what to say." This is the first real conversation they had in a while and they are both revealing too much already in just a few minutes since Robin came over to his apartment to talk.

"It's okay. I know it's weird, I've never really showed any feelings for you but it's true and I can't deny myself from saying anything." Robin, knew full well that there's feelings there. Feelings that are strong, present and real and she's never felt this way for anyone, ever in her life and it's weird but it's incredible to feel this way and to know that Barney feels this way too.

He's quiet for a couple of minutes and then starts to speak again. "I've been in love with you for this whole year, I've never felt this way for anyone and I want to try being with you. If, you want to try being together that is." Barney is the first one to kind of ask her if she wants to maybe date him because he wants to be with her and he knows she wants to be with him and that she is in love with him.

"I want to try doing this," she gestures between them now looking into his eyes. "I want to be with you, I don't know what we are going to do or where this relationship will lead us to but all I know is..." Robin's never been this honest in her entire life and she's about to either make a big mistake or is going to be happy. Either way, she hopes that this doesn't destroy their relationship after the year they just had.

"Okay, let's try this." Barney finishes her sentence smiling hoping that whatever they are going to do or where this relationship leads them towards. He doesn't know, however he does know that his feelings are true and real and now that he knows she's in love with him he knows that maybe this can be a good thing for their relationship after the year they both had.

"Okay." Robin, says smiling. They both lean in to a kiss, it started out slow at first and a bit weird but soon they got into a rhythm that worked well for the both of them. It kind of felt like a little mix of their first kiss and then their second kiss in the hospital as the kiss started to get heated and tense.

He, briefly pauses the kiss to get up from the couch then says. "Should we take this to the bedroom?" It's something Barney Stinson never asks a girl, usually he and his bed partner would just go right to the bedroom without him asking but because this isn't just any girl he would bang, this is Robin. He decided to be a gentleman and ask her if she feels up to go into the bedroom because he just needs to be with her, for the first time since they both confessed their feelings for each other.

"Sure." She replies, he extends his hand to pick her up from the couch and she happily takes his hand into hers. They both relax in each others touch then he pulls her towards his bedroom.

Their first real romantic time together, in that intimate way was this day. The day they both admitted their feelings for each other and the day their relationship changed into a lifetime of happiness and love. Neither, regret about their first time together but that was nothing compared to this moment now. The moment that changed their relationship and in a very slow path, made them fall in love. When, Barney lays Robin down on his bed he takes a moment to have this all sink into his mind. Robin Scherbatsky, the girl he's been so head over heels for for this whole year just told him that she's in love with him and he literally can't believe that she feels the same way as he does for her.

The way that she's looking at him right now, says to him that it's true. Robin Scherbatsky, is in love with him and there isn't any going back now. They are either going to be happy together or make each other miserable. Either way, they are happy and the way she's looking at him right in this moment tells him just how truthful and honest her confession really is.

That was then and this is now…

After the summer of a lifetime, this was probably the best summer of their lives. Things started to change, ever since they confessed their feelings, feelings neither really told anyone they have for each other. Things changed, the fall of this year comes and Lily butts into their relationship. They had been doing their own thing during this summer, without any care in the world they had the time of their lives being together and sure they didn't define their relationship right away but that didn't last long. In fact, by that fall they didn't even call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. They didn't give their relationship a definition, they just did their thing and tried to ignore another elephant in the room regarding their relationship.

First, it was their feelings they tried to ignore and now it's the status of what they mean to each other. Sure, they told each other they loved each other on that night they decided to try being together, but they never defined, labeled their relationship. Until, Lily butts in and makes them figure out what they really mean to each other by putting a label on their undefined relationship.

"Can, you believe Lily? She's crazy for thinking that putting a label on a relationship is good for a relationship." Barney and Robin had just sat down to eat brunch after Lily locked them in Robin's room try to get them to define their relationship.

Robin was quiet for a few minutes as she starts to read her menu. She thought that being together, being with Barney without labeling their relationship would be a good thing for them. They never defined their relationship during their secret summer and didn't do that when they decided to try being together. As, they tried to act normal around others they knew they were secretly together but not putting any pressure on the relationship to change the status of it. And, Barney thought that doing what they have been doing all summer had been working just fine for them, not labeling their relationship worked for them and they never wavered on their feelings for each other or broke their arrangement of kinda, sorta dating but not labeling what they mean to each other.

They were just fine doing what they were doing and the summer they had was so much fun and carefree they never cared about defining their relationship. In fact, it was not on either ones mind until now.

"Yeah. But, maybe she had a point. I mean we have been together all summer, we told each other how we felt and said we loved each other. So, maybe she was right and saw something between us that we didn't see since trying whatever we were trying to be in being together." Robin, was never really sure when it came to what her and Barney were doing, she just had fun and didn't care to think about what their relationship status should be. It never came up during the summer and neither cared to even ask this question because neither knew it didn't really matter. But, that was during the summer. She thinks that Lily had a point, she was right by locking them in the room in order for them to figure out what their relationship is all about and where it's going.

"I guess so. I just never really thought about it. I mean, my feelings for you haven't changed, have your feelings changed for me?" He asks and she shakes her head no. "Then, why should we put a label on our relationship? I had the time of my life this summer and never thought about what our relationship means." He pauses and looks down at his own menu for a moment then looks back up at her.

"But, I guess we, if we are going to put a name on what this relationship is I would say, sure. I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend but it doesn't mean that our carefree relationship that was fun during this summer is going to change?" He asks this as a question because he doesn't know how she feels about labeling their relationship.

"No, it wouldn't change anything between us. I had a blast this summer, just being with you like we planned on." And, she had the best summer of her life being with him and not caring about anything like thinking that Barney is her boyfriend because it felt like he already was. Defining it, doesn't really change how she feels about him or their relationship.

"Okay, then we can label this," he gestures between them and smiles. "Thing between us and say we're boyfriend and girlfriend but not have this be such a big meaningful thing for us. I'm not going to change how I feel about you." He tells her, this is one of those times where he's the most honest and the only other time he was really honest and himself is when they decided to try being together. That night was the start of something new, and man he didn't know what was going to happen between them or what the future would hold for them but they never wavered on their relationship and not labeling it, it felt easy and there was no pressure on them to figure out what they mean to each other because they already know how they feel about each other.

She smiles at him when he tells her this and it makes her feel better. She's more at ease with where their relationship is, if she really is labeling this relationship she would say it's 'progress' but wouldn't change how she feels about Barney or what their relationship is meaning to them.

"Okay, we'll label this relationship and be boyfriend and girlfriend." They agree by holding hands above the table for the first time in months they are free to do whatever they want and to be themselves and go out in public holding hands and enjoying being together. Even if they did define their relationship, they hope that it doesn't change anything between them because neither wanted to admit it, but they don't want to lose each other and that's the thing that caused them so much pain and fear in the next few months and years.

Robin, gets paranoid, Barney starts to not pay much attention to her in the next couple of week and their relationship starts to unravel before they can find a way to fix what they need to fix their relationship ends. The thought of losing each other was the reason why they spent years trying to forget about each other and move on, but neither could or would allow themselves to move on and it caused them both to equally have meltdowns and basically fall apart over how deeply they still felt for each other. Their relationship might have crumbled quicker than they wanted it to. But, their feelings and love for each other never went away.

" _You know, my biggest fear in the world is losing you." Barney had just proposed to her and they were still up on the rooftop of WWN holding each other as closely as they can trying to keep from freezing on this very cold and snowy night._

" _You're not going to lose me. You never have and never will, because I love you and have for a very long time. I tried to forget and move on and stop loving you but I can't because I never stopped loving you. I'm terrified of what our future will hold for us but I'm not scared of losing you or losing the love I have for you because I'm terribly, crazy, hopelessly, irretrievably in love with you." She turns around in his arms and suddenly after a few minutes of being cold is suddenly hot, in the arms of the man she loves._

" _I love you, too. So much. I've never stopped either and never will because you, Barney Stinson are love the of my life." She looks him in the eye and he doesn't know if he's crying or if it's just the cold air nipping at his eyelids. All, he knows is that the love of his life just told him that he is the love of her life. It's music to his ears to have this beautiful, wonderful, awesome woman love him as much as she does. He will never forget her saying this to him on the night of their engagement._

And, she never forgot telling him this both on the day they defined their relationship and the day of their engagement.

The love of my life part wasn't said at the time but she did tell him.

"I love you, and I hope this doesn't change anything between us."

"Of course not, I love you too."

They both were honest for the first time in their lives and relationship about how they truly feel about each other and that feeling and that love never went away because their hearts never allowed it to go away. Robin, didn't realize at the time when they first defined their relationship that Barney would end up being the love of her life. And, Barney didn't know that either. However, they both knew that they were in love and their feelings never went away after they broke up.

When, they got engaged Robin finally admitted to him that she had never stopped loving him and is the love of her life. It was the first time she truly allowed herself to feel love for someone and she never allowed herself to love anyone else or move on from Barney. Barney, struggled with trying to find himself throughout his entire life and it only took Robin to find him to get him to find who he is. That is, growing up and changing the lifestyle he had only known he could do until Robin came into his life and changed it for the better.

He was supposed to love Robin, and Robin was supposed to love him and that's the reason why they changed their lives. For each other, neither knew what they were doing on the day they defined their relationship but it didn't stop them from already being in love with each other.


	6. Jealousy Isn't A Great Feeling

So, this chapter and the following ones will be based around season 5. I wanted to show what Barney and Robin's relationship was like and where they are at in the relationship, I wanted to explore this season because it was a big season for their relationship despite them breaking up so soon into the season I liked the relationship as it was in the first 6 episode so I wanted to explore their feelings especially because I feel like this season started their development to figuring out their relationship and ending up engaged and then married. I think it's an important time in their lives and their relationship and I think this is when they were truly happy and in love which is the start of this season.

I want to point out that when they broke up they were still in love in fact Robin said as much in the breakup scene. It real obvious that she was in love at this point and said that they were in love which means she was in love with Barney during this time and her feelings never went away because the relationship ended to soon and quick for them to really dive into their problems that led to them breaking up. I will always explore Robin's post relationship feelings because it was obvious that she was a mess over the breakup for the months after it so I want to show just where her feelings were and Barney's thoughts especially on Don. I have a headcanon on that but I won't get into that for another chapter after this one.

So, I personally liked season 5 I know a lot of people don't but I do like it for the most part of it which is when they dated which I think really did show how deep their love was for each other and how they never stopped loving each other.

* * *

The fall came and Barney and Robin found themselves both defining their summer long relationship and falling more and more in love. There was somethings that they needed to figure out as they try and struggle through their new dating relationship with a definition attached to it. They defined their relationship and now are boyfriend and girlfriend, in a weird way, in their own way they tried figuring out how to move forward now that they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. She was never someone who gets jealous so easy when it comes to other women in her mans life, in fact at one time she just didn't care enough about the guy she was with to over think about things like strip clubs and strippers and women hitting on her guy. It just never phased her to get jealous about those types of things.

Come the fall, she had come to find herself falling in love. It wasn't something that was always there, sitting on her heart. It just came sneaking up on her out of nowhere. She, was someone who would never get jealous but out of the blue she found herself both falling quickly for Barney Stinson and becoming jealous of every _single_ woman who even looks at him. It's not like her to get jealous about things like this, Barney has always liked to flirt with woman and then sleep with them, it never caused this weird twist in her chest as she watches the waitress flirting with her boyfriend right in front of her.

It's just a natural response, a typical Barney reaction to a woman flirting with or looking at him. It all started in late July, they had gone out to dinner one evening after they both had a longer day at work. They were sitting in a booth talking with one sitting across from the other when the waitress came over to take their orders.

"Well, and what can I get for you cutie pie?" The waitress whose name was Betsy started right away giving Barney this side eye glance the minute they came through the door of the restaurant. Robin, felt this immediate jolt in her gut and then a twist in her heart. It hit her so quickly that she, Robin Scherbatsky is jealous of any woman looking at Barney and makes her a little uncomfortable.

The waitress didn't keep her eyes off of Barney as the hostess walked them to their booth. Robin, kept an eye on the girl looking at him as she sat down opposite Barney. She was sitting on the side of the booth where she had a good view of the girl looking at Barney.

"Aren't you sweet." Barney started saying giving the waitress a flirty smile and a wink "Um I'll take the grilled salmon and a side salad." He winks at her again causing Robin to roll her eyes and kind of want to ring the waitresses neck but she doesn't say anything, at first. She goes back to drinking her water, she had been drinking it trying to distract herself from becoming angry. But, she calms herself down as the waitress leaves.

"What the hell, Barney?" She didn't want to say anything but something in her exploded as it was boiling within side her as she watched the waitress looking at Barney the minute they walked through the doors of the restaurant.

"What?" He asked confused at her out burst. Usually, Barney would be in denial not knowing what's happening but he's shocked at her sudden out burst and is not going to act like he's oblivious to why Robin just yelled at him.

"You, know what. You, and the waitress. You were flirting with her right in front of me. Do you know how that makes me feel when I see you just easily with no shame at all, flirt in front of me?" And, he immediately feels awful about flirting with the waitress but also adds his own thing about this.

"We, said we weren't exclusive is it not okay for me to flirt harmlessly with some chick I'm never going to see again." He knows that response wasn't a good one because she wasn't happy with the response as she got up from her seat.

"No, Barney we are exclusive. If you haven't notice, we have been dating for two months now. That makes us exclusive, and you flirting like that right in front of me makes me feel like I wasn't even there, like it was okay to flirt in front of me and not give a shit about my feelings, about how that makes me feel. I know, I know I've not been completely open about my feelings for you or what this relationship is about or where it's heading but I thought we were now more open and honest about our feelings and what our relationship is about." That was the last thing she said before she left, leaving without Barney getting his say in this.

Surprisingly, she didn't get too far from the restaurant when he caught up to her just as their food was coming to their table. He did leave some money on the table for the waitress but then quickly ran out of there hoping that Robin didn't go too far.

"Robin, wait I'm sorry I was acting that way in front of you. It's just a natural reflex, when someone's flirting with me I go a little far and flirt back." He can tell that she has been crying as she turns to look at him. The street light was reflecting on her face as she looked up at Barney who now felt like the worst guy ever that he didn't think how much this relationship seems to mean to her.

Usually, Robin wasn't the one who put much effort into relationships it's always the guy who makes the effort towards her but tonight for some reason it just made her extremely mad and jealous about a little lighthearted flirting.

"But, it meant nothing. She meant nothing to me. I-", and he's never been so truthful in his life before but they did tell each other that they would be more open and honest about what they're feelings and thinking. "I've never, ever put myself on the line for a relationship but this relationship, you mean a lot to me Robin, I thought we weren't being all that honest about us, about this relationship. And, I'm sorry I flirted with that waitress it meant nothing but now that I know how you feel and where this relationship is going… I." He pauses but before he could say anything.

"I love you." Robin says, in a light tone as she wipes the tears away from her now very wet face.

"I love you too." Which is what he wanted to say she just read his mind which would seem a little weird but surprisingly not when he's saying it to her.

"I'm sorry." He tells her as he's now closer to her.

"I'm sorry, too." He's now in front of her just an inch apart from her face.

"So, now that we're exclusive and being honest. I'm really still hungry." She laughs and shakes her head, feeling bad about just leaving the restaurant the way she did.

"Me too, but let's go some place else." That's how they ended up getting two hot dogs on the street corner down the street.

"You know, this is much better than some fancy pricey meal." Robin says as the find a place to sit down which wasn't too far away from the street vender where they bought their hotdogs.

"Much better, indeed." He smiles at her and takes a bite of his hotdog.

A couple months later!

"Robin, come on aren't you going to talk to me at some point tonight? I am a bit tired, and want to go to bed." He says standing next to the bathroom door as a pissed off Robin was on the other side trying hard not to get emotional about this subject again.

It's not the first or second time there's some woman causing Robin to get overcome with emotion who come upon their relationship. Now, that they were boyfriend and girlfriend plus much more exclusive than they were during the summer she had found herself falling more and more for Barney and getting more and more jealous about other women who come around him. In this case, it meant women in a dark club who are eyeing her now boyfriend.

She tried to think about why this makes her so mad and a lot jealous. But, for some reason it really really does and even if she feels like a petty, jealous and needy girlfriend which she never liked being. She is jealous and hates this feeling even more now than the other times there were women surrounding Barney.

It took her another 30 minutes to overcome her emotions and come out of the bathroom now dressed for bed. She walks around to her side of the bed in silence and sits down quietly facing the wall and not Barney. He wanted to reach out and touch her back but then thought better of that and decided to just wait until she was ready to talk.

He had been going through his emails as he waited for her to come out of the bathroom and talk to him. But, once again he feels like someone's punched him in the stomach and it's not a good feeling.

"I'm sorry. Robin, please talk to me. I hate this silence." He closes his laptop and sets it aside on her nightstand hoping to get Robin to talk to him.

It takes another 10 minutes for her to turn around to face him and another minute to find the right words to say to him about this. It just makes her feel really needy and she hates feeling needy in a relationship, she's always been independent and didn't think she needed anyone especially a man, a man whose like her in the way that she's not needy and independent.

"Look, I hate this feeling, okay. I just don't like feeling this way but I thought we were much more open and honest about things now that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. But, I hate feeling jealous. I hate you going to strip clubs, I hate that you flirt with girls even with me sitting right next to you or in front of you. I hate that you can't seem to be serious about our relationship after all these months together and after telling each other how we felt about each other and defining this relationship. It's just not a good feeling to feel like you're not serious about our relationship." She was trying to keep her emotions in check because she couldn't let herself get emotionally weepy again when she's trying to talk about this very serious issue.

"Robin, look at me." She wasn't looking at him and was on the edge of crying but tried to hold in her emotions as she looked up at Barney staring at her.

He smiles a little lightly at her realizing for the first time since they decided to make a go at this relationship that she's serious and is in love. She isn't just saying this because she wants him to stop going to strip clubs, she's saying this because she hates other women coming onto him and him hanging around them. He realizes that she also has never said anything like this to any other guy before which makes him the first guy to ever have this kind of effect on her emotionally. She's never been this open with her feelings and emotions before with any other guy and it kind of makes him both happy and feel shitty knowing that Robin's saying this because she's in love with him.

Of course, he doesn't tell her this as he thinks it to himself, she doesn't tell him this and they never tell each other this but it's just the facts that lined up for him in his head and all the events that occurred with the women he's been around.

In July: When they went out to dinner and he flirted with the waitress

In August: An old girlfriend of his he slept with months ago remembering he slept with her

In April: The first time she became jealous but didn't say anything was when she met up with him for lunch at his office and he flirted with his receptionist

And, now: The night he lied to her and went to a strip club and then pretended like it didn't bother her that he was there eyeing/giving his full attention to those strippers.

It all adds up, and clicks in his head making the realization that she isn't just saying this because she is jealous. She's saying this because she wants his full attention, she wants him to stop giving his attention to other women and start putting more effort into their relationship.

Which is where Ted came in helping him to make more of an effort in the relationship.

"I get why you're mad, I'm sorry I didn't realize why before but I get it now and I'm sorry I will stop going to strip clubs and giving any attention to any other woman but you, and I will put more effort into our relationship. I do love you, I don't want you to think that I'm not serious about us, because I'm dead serious. I will try much harder from now on, I don't want you to think that I'm not putting any effort into this relationship because I am, I'm trying and as I said this is the first relationship I've been in since Shannon and I'm really not good at this whole relationship thing but I am trying." As, she let's what he says sink in she realizes that she really hasn't been really showy about her feelings which is why Barney did what he did all these months.

"Barney, I didn't realize that I wasn't allowing myself to express my feelings and I'm sorry I've been so quiet about this stuff. I know it's not easy for you to be in a relationship and I know you're trying, you're trying harder than most men would and I'm so happy that you're trying as hard as you are in this relationship. Maybe we should be more open about these kinds of issues, I know I'm not the biggest talker about things and we aren't either but let's try being more open with our feelings from now on." She could have told him that this isn't just about jealousy and feelings it's much more than that but she didn't and instead.

"Okay, we will both try harder and I will stop being like I'm single when I'm not and I don't want to be single anymore. I'm much more happier being your boyfriend than I am when I'm single." That was the last thing he said, they both said before she kissed him hard on the lips.

"I love you, I do hope you know that." He tells her as they break the kiss a few minutes later.

They go to bed but this night they didn't have sex they just slept, very closely with each other. Their heads were close, his arm was protectively around her upper back, her arm that wasn't close to him was resting on his stomach, his other hand was rest comfortably on top of her hand resting on his stomach and they just went to sleep in that position. But, Barney for sometime before falling asleep on this night had been thinking and thinking about not wanting to lose Robin and the fact that he's really happy so that's when he puts his plan to put more effort into his relationship was put into play.

The next day he decided to get Ted's help, even if he felt like it was the wrong person to go to about this he still went to him anyway and it almost ruined everything for him and his relationship with Robin.


	7. Trying To Fix Things

So, I wanted to do something different with this story which is I took things from the show that were canon and took it out because I feel like this story is better off without things that are unnecessary for the story. Example: This chapter is all about Robin 101, my memory is a little fussy on the details of the episode so I rewrote what was already in the episode and made it my own. I took out the Ted/Robin scene in MacLaren's before she talks to Barney on the stoop of the building outside. I really hate Ted in this episode and I feel he overstepped his boundaries and went too far getting involved in Barney and Robin's relationship even though Barney asked him for his help. I also wanted to change a canon thing about this episode and it being a running gag on the show for fans of the show. The fact that Robin saying "you're an idiot" means "I love you" but in my headcanon I believe Robin isn't really saying I love you, she really saying that Barney's an idiot for what he was doing with his Robin notebook. There was nothing before this episode that says that this is legit, there was nothing before this that says that Robin saying this is true because she's never said it before this episode or after it's a made up thing to fit into the episode to make it seem like Ted knows her more better than Barney.

I believe that Barney IS the one who actually does know the real Robin and that's why he wasn't acting more like a boyfriend that most boyfriends act like. So, as the story moves on, I am going to do canon things from the show but I will change something's to a headcanon of mine. Sorry, for taking long to update this story I've been blanking on my stories, writers block is a terrible thing.

* * *

He really wants to make this work, he knew that he had been struggling being in a relationship even if the relationship in question here is his relationship with Robin. So, he wanted to make this relationship work because he couldn't lose Robin, no matter how badly he screws up he wants to be a better boyfriend to her and wants this relationship to work out because if he's being completely honest, he's really happy, being with Robin makes him happy, she makes him happier than he's ever been and knows that he's being struggling with being in a relationship even if it's a relationship he wants to be in, a relationship with the only woman he's let himself fall in love with, without realizing how deep those feelings were, for both of them. These last few months, this past summer has been one of if not the best summer of his life, just being with Robin made him feel alive for once in his life. He, had found himself having fun spending the summer with his best friend and sneaking around, even going on weekend get away's without anyone finding out that they were gone.

But, those months in the summer still didn't stop him from being around other women and women flirting with him and he flirting right back in front of Robin. It, had gotten to the point where little by little Robin had gotten more annoyed and angry over women flirting with no shame at all with her (well, they hadn't defined anything then but still she was boiling on the inside) it had gotten to the point where she was just plain furious, fed up with Barney not even caring that even with her sitting right there that he flirts and smiles with these women. But, that wasn't the only issue that Robin had with Barney in the last four months, well technically it's been five month or if you want to be timely correct it's been four and a half months since they started seeing each other. The other issue was that Robin thought that Barney wasn't putting much effort into their relationship. She realized that Barney, hasn't done a single boyfriend-y thing for her since they started seeing each other.

Not one thing: He hasn't sent her roses or even any kind of flower just because he felt like it or to cheer her up when she isn't having the best day. He, hasn't written her a love note just cause he felt like it, he hasn't asked her out on a single date since they started seeing each other. He, hasn't been there when she needed to talk to someone about her mom's illness or her sister that was coming to see her in a couple weeks, he didn't care that she wanted to express her worried mind with him, he just didn't get that she wanted to talk to _him_ and only him because after all he was her boyfriend? Well not really in the summer but now he is. He, just hasn't lived up to many of her past boyfriend's potential.

Or, maybe she's just putting too much pressure onto him to be the perfect boyfriend? Maybe, it isn't about having the perfect boyfriend maybe it's the way he is, which isn't a bad guy, he isn't a bad boyfriend per say, he is better than most boyfriends who put in effort to impress their girlfriends. Or, just maybe she's fine and happy just being with Barney? Maybe, it isn't the things he can do for her when she needs him, maybe it's the carefree-non-defined summer that made her not think of these things that was on her mind but didn't want to burst that bubble of being carefree and happy together, because just being together was enough?

She is happy, she hasn't felt this happy being in a relationship ever. Barney makes her happy, there is no doubt that the summer they had together was the most thrilling and fun summers of her life. They went on trips, they went on little dates like he would pick her up at work and take her out to have lunch unexpectedly, they hung out a lot, they weren't apart at all that summer unless they were around their friends or out in the open where their friends would catch them together. They, were sneaking around, usually she would go to his apartment and stay the night, nobody would know that she wasn't at the apartment or Maclaren's. Sometimes, he would be over at her apartment more later than he should be and sneaked out once the coast was clear, meaning when Ted goes to his room for the night. They, usually called each other no matter how late it was when one of them are at their own apartment. He, once for the heck of it before everything became too serious and chaotic in the relationship, he did do things to surprise her. Like, he would find things to do unexpectedly like hopping into a horse carriage ride even when it was a bit late at night and they were heading home, to his apartment for the night.

Yes, Barney did do things out of the blue for her and it wasn't really romantic but it was something that he did without thinking about what she would say, he would just do anything to make her feel good and happy. But, soon those things he did that seemed genuinely romantic started to play tricks in her mind which leads her to thinking the worst.

"He's cheating on me." Is the first thing to come to mind while talking to Lily about how her relationship with Barney is going. It wasn't like she meant that, it was just something that came to mind when she thinks about all those women who had came onto him during the last five months. It wasn't like she was jealous, not still jealous of these women who flirt and come onto Barney even with her sitting right there. It's just, weird to see him putting this much effort into the relationship.

In the last week, Barney has been a super boyfriend. He has been kind, generious, gracious, sweet, caring, he's been the kind of boyfriend who actually sent her flowers just because he wanted to cheer her up even thought she wasn't sad or angry about something. He, was the best boyfriend to her which had her think that the only reason he was doing such nice gestures is because he's trying to be nice to her so she won't be mad at him when she finds out the truth, that he is cheating with one of those cheap strippers or that waitress a few months ago that had a thing for him. So, that's why she jumped to this one particular issue that she had been thinking about a lot in the last few weeks, even since May really. Has, she really been this jealous of women coming onto her boyfriend for this whole time? That is so not Robin Scherbatsky…

"Oh, come on how can you think Barney's cheating on you?" Lily, wasn't at all shocked if this was true. Barney, has been trying to find a way to make up for cheating if that's the real reason why Barney has been this perfect boyfriend in the last week. "Come to think of it, maybe he is." Lily, says out loud not realizing that she had said it out loud so Robin could hear her.

"Well, okay." Lily is giving Robin this look that says that there's something going on within Robin's relationship with Barney. "Fine. This isn't me, but I have been kind of oddly jealous of random women coming onto Barney even with me sitting right there with him. It's been happening since we decided to see where our relationship was going. So, since May there's been a few times when he had been flirting or doing something with these random women without any remorse or care about my feelings. I guess, this issue has been on my mind for a while now which makes my mind start going on circles thinking that he's actually been seeing this waitress he flirted with during the summer." Robin, has been standing pacing the living room, well not the living room just in front of the couch. Saying, this out loud kind of makes her feel better about these things she's been holding inside her and now she kind of thinks she's been holding them against Barney since these events accord.

"Wait, what? Say that again, Barney's been hitting on women in front of you?" Lily's shocked, a little appalled thinking that Barney, the Barney she knew who has been in love with Robin for an entire year plus. Is, cheating on Robin with some waitress?

"Well, yeah kind of. But, he had brushed it off as some kind of meaningless none issue. He, even said that it's what he does when women are flirting with him. It's just a reflex, but it has really been boggling my mind. We, talked about this problem twice now but I'm still unsure about if he's sincere about this, that he thinks it's just harmless flirting and that it means nothing to him." Robin, collapses onto the couch and sighs almost getting overly worked up and emotional about this.

Oops, too late she's starting to tear up and tries to wipe her eyes before she started crying more and Lily sees her. But, Lily did notice tears starting to show in her eyes as she sat back down on the couch.

"Oh, wow Robin this is really bugging you isn't it?" Robin nods her head, tears start to show more as Lily pulls her into a hug.

"I-I don't know what to do. Lil, I mean I want to trust him that he wouldn't do something like this but I don't know, I'm beginning to think that he's not serious about us and this relationship. Maybe, I should just end this before something does actually happen." And, she's serious. She can't believe she's saying this, she doesn't really mean it but maybe Barney's just not ready to commit to her. Which, gets her to cry even more thinking of this.

"She, really said that?" Barney, says as he and Lily are sitting in their booth at Maclaren's. Lily, had just got there and Barney was sitting there alone when she came in. He, had been writing something down on pieces of paper which had Lily suspicious of what he's been writing about.

So, now after Barney tells Lily that he's trying to put more effort into his relationship with Robin. Lily, then tells Barney about the conversation that she had with Robin earlier this day.

"Yeah. I'm sorry Barney, but you need to be honest with her and tell her that you are trying in this relationship because she thinks you're cheating on her." And, with that Lily got up and left the bar leaving Barney alone again sitting in the booth thinking that he had gone a bit too far with all his flirting ways for these past months which is why Robin is thinking he's cheating on her.

But, what Lily didn't know or find out is that Barney has already been trying to fix these issues in his relationship with Robin. Just, the other day he had gone to Ted (of all people) he went to Ted, the former boyfriend of his current girlfriend for advice on how to be a better boyfriend to his former girlfriend, which does sound really weird if you think about it. He, went to Ted his best friend for advice on his relationship and he really has been regretting it since he asked for Ted's help.

"Ted, you have got to stop okay. You, are literally all over the board with 'how to make Robin happy' I get it. You dated her for a year, but I'm trying to be serious here because I don't want to lose her." And, that get's Ted to be serious, a serious teacher of things he thinks he knows about Robin.

"Okay, but you have to be serious and take my teachings seriously because as your friend and Robin's friend I want you both to be happy. So, let's start with 'getting to know Robin Charles Scherbatsky Jr.' I think that's a good way to start." And, that was only the first day of their class of Robin 101.

By, day four Barney had a enough and started to play around acting as though he was bored and Ted sucked as a teacher. He just tuned him out for most of the last two days. Ted, might be good at teaching Architecture but he really doesn't know anything about what Robin wants, feels, thinks or likes in bed because as he remembers, Robin had faked it pretty good with him for that god awful hell of a year they dated. Robin, even told him once that Barney was better in bed, way better than Ted ever was so taking sex advice from Ted is like taking fashion advice from well Ted.

"Come on, Ted I want to learn something important here not get a lecture on how to pleasure my girlfriend." He, wanted to go further and rub the fact that he's better in bed than he is but he stops himself from going there.

So, Ted stopped this part of this session and went onto sleep patterns.

On, the other side of town Robin had just found the book in Barney's briefcase and started to read what was inside it. She, first saw on the first page written on top "Robin 101" which was an odd thing to see on top of a page in a notebook. She, reads on and Lily get's into it reading with her. Realizing, that what Barney was writing down on the paper at Maclaren's the other day was in fact notes for this Robin 101 class he's taking. At, the bottom of each page there is Barney's name and Ted's name which had Robin caught off guard as she saw Ted's name written on the pages.

"Ted, what does he have to do with this?" Robin, says to Lily confused on what Ted has to do with Barney's notebook and notes inside it.

"I don't know." Lily, tells her but in all honesty she is thinking that she does kind of know why Ted's name is written on the page but doesn't say anything to Robin about it.

Then, Robin finds a date on one of the pages (the back of the first page) "meeting, at Ted's class on Thursdays at 1pm" which has Robin's mind go from being confused to out raged.

"Ted's teaching Barney things, things that aren't even really true. He's telling him horrible things about me, how can they do this to me?" She says, Lily just sits there not knowing what to say or do in this moment.

Before, Lily knew it Robin was heading out the door mad with Barney's notebook in hand and heading to one destination: Ted's class room!

Lily, caught up with Robin outside her building shouting after her.

"Robin, come on calm down there's no need to go to Barney and Ted being this mad about somethings Barney wrote in a notebook." Lily, tries to stop Robin from doing something stupid or regretful but Robin was too furious to listen to what Lily was shouting at her.

Robin gets into a cab that pulls up in front of them and Lily gets in before Robin can close the door. Robin, is completely quiet on the way to Columbia that it was literally like you can hear nothing between the two women as the cab went on to their destination. Lily, knew that Barney was doing this class to try more harder in the relationship but keeping this a secret letting Robin think that Barney is cheating on her was the wrong thing to do.

They, get to Columbia and Robin gets out of the cab without paying in a furious rage heading towards Ted's classroom building. Lily, had to pay the cab as Robin left without paying then ran as quickly as she could after Robin who was surprisingly fast in her mad pursuit towards Ted's classroom.

"And, that is why you don't let Robin go without eating or she will have this look." Barney, and Ted were just finishing off this session as the door to the classroom opens slamming against the classroom wall. Robin, is standing at the top of the room angrily looking on at Barney and Ted's class.

"Ugh, wow." Ted and Barney say in unison as they see Robin looking at them with the same look that is on the screen right now.

"I can't believe this. I thought you were cheating on me and I guess I was right all this time." Is the last thing Robin says before leaving the room still in out rage over what she just found out.

She, headed to Maclaren's after this because she needed to 1, be alone, 2, have a drink and 3, she needed to do some thinking because it's obvious to her now that maybe she was right about ending this relationship even if it pains her to think this. Barney, was trying to find a way to fix the issues they were having but this wasn't the way to do that and if Barney thinks it was a good idea to talk to Ted about their problems and not her than maybe it's time to end this so she can move on from thinking the worst things that could happen while being in a relationship with Barney.

It, takes her an hour and a half and two scotches to really have this whole day, the situation she just found out about to sink in which made her make a decision one that she didn't want to make.

She, loves him but maybe love isn't enough and she thinks that Barney is just not ready for a committed relationship. Or, maybe it's her? Maybe, she's putting too much pressure onto him when it's her who needs to talk more about her thoughts and feelings she's feeling. Maybe, she's just too scared of where this relationship was going? And, that's what get's her mind to start to freak out. She's in love and putting too much pressure on Barney to be this perfect boyfriend when she doesn't need a perfect boyfriend when she's completely happy being with Barney. Maybe, this is what happy feels like and what being in love really means: Jealous, worry and where is this going are all the things she has been thinking and is worried about.

She, found love but what does that mean?

That's when she runs into Barney who was previous sitting on the steps of her building with his notebook and a look of guilt and regret-fullness on his face.

"Look, I'm really sorry about this whole notebook thing. I-I was just worried that you were going to dump me and that's why I did this." He tells her, they are sitting on the steps of the building as he tried to explain to her why he was doing this class. He regrets it now, he shouldn't have gone to Ted about their relationship problems, he should have talked to Robin but all he wanted was to show her that he's serious about them and is trying more harder in the relationship.

She, was silent during his speech but all she could think about is how stupid she's been. She was just thinking that she wants to end this relationship but all of a sudden she's regretting thinking that and now feels stupid for wanting it. Barney, was just trying to be a better boyfriend but truth is she doesn't want him to be and doesn't need him to be perfect because she loves who he is and doesn't need big gestures, those gestures were meaningless. All, she needs is _him_ and that should be enough.

"You're, an idiot." She tells him out of the blue, he smiles knowing that she's saying she loves him but what she is really saying is that Ted is also wrong about this saying because he and Robin both know that when she says I love you, she actually means 'I love you' and she means it. They, had said it to each other during the summer and recently so he knows saying "you're an idiot" is just saying he's an idiot, a very cute, charming, sweet, idiot and she loves him with each passing day.

"I love you. I really only did this because I thought you were unhappy with me but all I want is for you to be happy." He tells her, after they kiss on the stoop of the building.

"I know, I'm sorry I was so mad at you. I should have talked to you about the things that were bothering me but I realize now that you already knew what I was thinking because you were trying to be a better boyfriend. But, I don't need perfection. I only need Barney Stinson, and he is my perfect Barney Stinson. I love Barney Stinson, and I mean it and not in the way Ted thinks. I didn't love him as much as I do you." And, that's the first time she's ever said this to him and means it. Of, course neither of them tell anyone about this fact, they go on to breakup after this but neither stopped loving each other or knowing that the fact that when Robin says "I love you" she means it.

They, go back to Barney's apartment after this and actually talk. They, talked about a lot of things that had been building up inside themselves for sometime. They, had a full conversation about Robin's jealousy, her thinking that he was cheating on her, he confesses that he's never been happier than he is with being with her, and by the end of it. It was well in the morning hours, 5 am to be exact when the conversation ended and they go to bed feeling better about everything they have kept inside all summer until now, they went to bed and just slept beside each other feeling more at ease and content about a lot of things they both had kept from one another for along time. It, might not be an easy road for them, they would eventually break up but in the end they both grew to understand being in a relationship with each other better and that's what both needed. More, time to believe in the relationship and trust in each other and both were better for it.


	8. What Went Wrong (Season 5 P1)

**So, I wanted to update this for a while but was stuck a little on what to do to continue this but now I know where this is going and how it will end so I am continuing this and will update this more often. This follows B/R's breakup in season 5 and the aftermath of that, I am going to do one more chapter during season 5 then move on to season 6 and get more into their heads during that season. From here on the story will go by season, so season 5 is this chapter and the next, season 6 will probably have 3 chapters because that season goes into season 7 which is a huge season for them, that season will likely have 4 chapters, season 8 and 9 will be the rest of the story focusing on their engagement and wedding. The story will end the morning after their wedding which will follow them on their honeymoon briefly. There will not be any focus on any other characters in this story just Barney and Robin so I will not really write about Tracy just how both of them met her and became friends with her but this story won't go into the future so it will be the canon takes on how they met Tracy.**

 **The focus is Barney and Robin only, their relationship, their problems and struggles both internal and external, there will be more drama than happiness for them after season 6 but don't worry they get their happy ending the day they get married. So, enjoy the continuation of this hope you'll will like what I have planned.**

* * *

After, their breakup Barney and Robin went back to being single again. As usual, Barney threw himself at any woman who believed his schemes and lies, introducing the Playbook to everyone and doing anything to distract himself from the break up. Robin, threw herself into her work, both trying to forget that they even dated while still being in a lot of pain over their breakup. In the weeks before they broke up things between them had gotten intense. They would fight about everything, Robin would get annoyed with Barney whenever he spoke, Barney would ignore her rants but also try to avoid getting hit by something she would throw at him. They would end up in screaming matches, both would walk out whenever the fights got too heated, Robin would always end up apologizing for things ending their fights with make up sex. It was like this for two weeks before they decided to call it quits. However, they both had thought that the breakup was for the best, to preserve their friendship so they wouldn't completely lose each other. But, in the week since the breakup both found themselves struggling to accept that they broke up and trying to figure out what exactly went wrong.

While, Barney threw himself into his playboy status by using the playbook. Robin's been having some sleepless nights, she had been crying in private at times when she's alone even if it was in public. She, couldn't get over her breakup with Barney. She tried to forget, she tried to move on, she tried every distraction she could even using her new co-worker as a way to distract herself from her thoughts on the breakup and Barney. But, her new co-worker, who is also her new co-host has been the most annoying, frustrating person she's ever met and by Thanksgiving, she had enough of this act her co-host was doing and took her frustrations and feelings over the breakup out on him, although she didn't say why she suddenly had a breaking point and exploded in anger cursing him out. Frankly, she has had enough of everything and everyone. Ever since the breakup with Barney she's been on the edge of losing it and it took this Don guy's antics to break her. Next thing she knew she ran out of the room to her dressing room slamming the door behind her and leaning up against it crying.

She sobbed for quite a while before she removed herself from the door and the floor walking over to the sofa that's in the room and sitting down on it. She then takes out a picture that has been in her purse for four weeks now, ever since she became a US citizen, her dual citizenship in which Barney helped her get. The picture was at the party the gang threw her, Lily had taken the picture, it was after she told them to switch their sitting places for the picture with the gang. Robin had gotten annoyed with Lily's attitude and made her take another picture of just the two of them, her and Barney standing and facing each other with their arms around each other, kind of like they were dancing but looking at Lily as she took the photo.

She, holds the picture in her hand staring at it with fresh tears falling from her eyes. She hadn't had a breakdown like this ever since the breakup but she's been on the edge of one ever since but today two days before Thanksgiving she finally had the first of many breakdowns since the breakup. It took her a few more minutes to pull herself together, she takes a tissue and dabs her wet cheeks, smiling lightly down at the picture she still held tightly in her hand before putting it back into her purse. This picture had been her only thing she had left from her relationship with Barney, the one thing she has that she takes everywhere with her, but every time she has a breakdown because of the breakup or her ongoing struggle with her feelings for him, she takes it out looks at it through tears for a few minutes then puts it into the nightstand draw she now keeps it in and goes to sleep.

In the weeks since the breakup, her breakdowns had stopped completely but her broken heart was still hurting over the breakup. It takes months to try to move on but even she knew she was trying too hard to make a relationship work and last that it ended up slapping her in the face. But, that was months later… at, Thanksgiving with the gang Barney and Robin tried as best they could to interact around each other, both still heartbroken over their breakup. It was an awkward Thanksgiving, with a slapbet included but by the end of the night Barney and Robin were sitting and laughing for the first time in weeks together.

"So, you still remember slapping me on the balls that one time?" Barney asks, making her blush for the first time in a long time.

She playfully hits him as he cockily throws an eyebrow upward at her reaction.

"Come on, even you know I'm not the only one to slap things during sex. Plus, you were the one who wanted me to do it during our extreme sexual activities." It's the first time in weeks that they are sitting, laughing and enjoying each other since their breakup.

They said they were going to try to be friends again after they broke up and they were trying even if it took weeks to really face each other again and talk about their relationship.

"I guess that's one of the good things in our relationship." He says off the cuff, she was caught off guard when he said this but surprisingly she didn't take this as anything serious, just knowing that he brought up their relationship it helped her a little to get over the heartbreak of the breakup. At least for now, she's still hurting deeply over it though.

"Even if we took a turn there it was still good while it lasted, right?" He continues talking while she drifts off looking at nothing in front of her thinking about what he just said about their relationship.

"Yeah, we had fun didn't we?" She says, breaking her staring contest with the wall in front of her then looking at him with the same serious look he's giving her.

"Yeah, we did I had a blast this summer best summer of my life." Now, that's true. It feels really nice to talk to her again after these last few weeks.

On the outside, in public and around his friends he acted like they would think he would but on the inside, in private he hasn't been doing well since the breakup either. In fact, that first night after Robin took the stuff she had left at his place back to her apartment he had filled a tumbler with scotch and drank his emotions away while crying himself to sleep. The bed sheets still smelled like her, they had slept together for the last time just the night before and he didn't get to change the sheets yet but also he doesn't really feel like he wants to because if he removed those sheets he would officially remove Robin from his life, well not completely because they said they were going back to being friends and both thought it would be best but both of them still felt as they weren't friends anymore, at least not like they used to and were still heartbroken of the breakup. So, Both tried to go back to being friends but their relationship and the way they broke up were still weighing heavily on their minds.

After, weeks of pain they seemed to be back on the same page however Robin was secretly missing him and not as her friend, she was still in pain and heartbroken but after Thanksgiving things between them seemed to be on the right track. Their friendship is still not like it was before they got together, but at least they somehow talked on this day for the first time since their breakup and both felt a little better to be talking to each other again, although both felt it being a little awkward they still tried to not show just how much they regretted breaking up while still trying to figure out how and why they broke up.

"So, this is it huh?" Barney says, they are standing in front of his front door with Robin holding a box of things she had unconsciously brought to his apartment both during their summer together and in the last two months since becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Robin says, looking down sadly. This really is it, they broke up after just 24 hours of being engaged. Robin couldn't understand how their relationship came to this and she might never understand, but because she can't lose Barney (he is just not ready for a relationship, this type of commitment yet) she needs to accept that their relationship is over. However she will try and move on even if she's on the verge of crying, even if it feels like she's slowly losing her best friend.

"I'm really sorry it came to this, I never thought after everything in the last year and a half we've went through it would end like this." He's sad, this was so much harder to face than the aftermath of his breakup with Shannon because he believes, even knows that Robin is the one for him. With Shannon, he was young and naive, he didn't know what love really was and clearly it wasn't with Shannon, but then again he never truly felt as strongly for Shannon as he does for Robin and this awkward breakup is much more harder for him to deal with than Shannon dumping him.

"I know, I guess it got too difficult and we couldn't fix it but I do love you." She says, lightly brushing her hands over his cheek rubbing it softly for a second before removing it.

"I love you too." And, with that Robin walks away towards the elevator while Barney remains staring at her retreating figure feeling the tears coming on he walks into his apartment and closes the door.

Both, didn't know that they broke down at the same time. Robin in the elevator and Barney in his apartment, they were officially broken up and they feel even more broken than they ever were. Not losing each other was a promise they made only last year but it feels as if they really just did and they both feel heartbroken and miserable.

That, was the last time they said they loved each other and talked to each other. Both, went into these shells of their single selves and never could move on from each other. And, never did but for the three years between their breakup and their engagement/reunion the pain over the breakup was still there on their minds but the love was also still there, they never really talked properly over the breakup but they never forgot being with each other, being in love and being happy at least for the short amount of time they were together.

Everyone, had left Marshall and Lily's after this all going their separate ways but Barney and Robin still had each other weighing heavily on their minds. They both felt as if they lost each other, going to bed on this night crying and feeling more lost about their relationship. Maybe, their friendship can't even sustain the breakup either and they feel like they had lost each other completely, as they cried themselves to sleep thinking of each other and why and how their relationship had ended, they realize that they are both more lost than ever before and still unsure about how their relationship started to crumble when they were both happy.

On Christmas of that year, everyone had gone their separate ways as well even though they had all been together that week. Marshall and Lily went to Minnesota, Ted went home to Cleveland feeling more lost than ever about his life, and Barney and Robin stayed in the city. For, the first time in two months they found themselves in the same place at the same time, alone since Thanksgiving.

"Oh, hey." Robin had just walked into Maclaren's after being at work all day drinking herself into a stupor when Barney sees her after exiting the bathroom after getting shut down by the last girl he hit on.

Robin, looked really sad. She, looked awful he thought, so Barney went to join her at their booth.

"What's up, Robin how are you?" He starts the conversation off lightly hoping she doesn't shut him out completely.

"I'm, okay." She says, trying to seem as she is okay but he knows she isn't.

"What's going on, you look really down about something." Yeah, you are part of the reason I'm in this pit of pain she thought but ends up saying.

"It's work, a work thing it's nothing." But, Barney doesn't let this slide and continues the conversation.

"You, know even if things have been weird between us lately you can always talk to me whenever you need to." So, where were you all those times I needed you when we were together? She thinks.

"I guess so. Things at work are not going as great as I hoped after taking this job. My new co-worker who is also my co-anchor is the most unprofessional slob of a guy and I'm very close to slapping him." Truth is, Don isn't the worst of her problems but she has come really close to hitting him every time they are sitting close during the news broadcasts. He seems to not care about being professional and then earlier today he kind of asked her out. "I don't know if he was serious because he was acting like he wasn't but I don't know what to do about him, it's like I'm working with Sandy all over again." Barney never liked Sandy, he's even worse than he is at his best but the way Sandy constantly hit on Robin and anyone in a skirt, he wasn't professional either. Man, Robin gets such losers to work with and even worse jobs.

In all honesty, he was desperate to get Robin a job to have her stay in the US before she could get deported. So, he tried everything he could in order for her to stay in the states, plus he was also desperately in love with her. But, still this job is still nothing to be excited about it was like working at Metro News 1 again but with worse hours.

"Hey, you know what we haven't done in a long time?" He suddenly says. Seeing her so down and hating her job he wanted to do something to cheer her up so he thought that maybe some laser tag will help cure her sadness and he hoped his idea would.

"What?" She asks, it's still a little hard to look Barney in the eye and not want to cry but she doesn't and instead seems to change her demeanor and smiles a little waiting to see what he has in mind.

"Laser tag, we haven't gone laser tagging since we did that Murtaugh list." Oh, right that was at a time when her feelings for him had started to come on strong and spending so much time with him having the fun they did was one of the best memories from their relationship before they were in a relationship.

"Oh, you're right we haven't. I almost forgot about that list." She has had so much on her mind lately that anything that wasn't Barney related or work related hasn't been on her mind but she thinks this might be a good idea, after everything they just went through maybe having a little fun wouldn't hurt their still uneasy relationship.

"So, what do you say. You want to get out of here and join me for some laser tag?" She, didn't even need to think about it she immediately says 'let's go' next thing they knew they were facing 10 year old's in a battle of laser tag.

"Scherbatsky, on your right." Barney shouts causing Robin to turn fast and shoot her laser gun at an 12 year old boy.

"Thanks." She thanks him and smiles running off to chase another young boy while Barney goes the other way. They, met back 10 minutes later, huddled against the barrels breathing heavily.

"Man, these little bastards are everywhere tonight." It felt like old times again, playing laser tag, hanging out and having fun while letting loose by chasing after these little rugrats. They, both felt like maybe their friendship can pull through their heartbreaking break up.

"I know, who would have thought that just days before Christmas there would be tons of kids here." Robin, for the first time in a long time felt like her old self again. She was laughing and having fun with her best friend, despite the breakup she thinks maybe things will just get better between them from now on. She, hoped that the pain of the breakup is going away, weeks of being miserable turned into a night that she would remember forever, for her the breakup was still on her mind even just a couple of hours ago but hanging out with Barney felt like they never broke up. It has always felt like that, whenever she spends time with him, is around, she feels more alive, more happier and that's how it's always been with him. But, somewhere along the way things went from great to becoming people they both didn't recognize. But, tonight felt like it's a step forward to getting their friendship and relationship back on track.

Christmas, was the turning point for them after they broke up but when Barney found out that Robin had been hurting, hurting badly over their breakup things that both were trying to get past came back and once again they were back to square one, facing their breakup and its aftermath again.

"That was so much fun." Barney says after they leave the laser tag place.

"It was, I had a blast. Thanks for thinking of this, it was nice to let loose and have some fun for once." After, I was hurting badly after our breakup she thought. It has been hard trying to get over this breakup but it only took Barney and a night of fun to put her problems off her mind for at least a night.

"I'm glad you feel better." He says, drifting off a little after he says this. He would bring up the breakup but because he didn't want to ruin their fun night he felt as though he should get this off his chest or he'll regret it.

"Um, listen. I know you have been pretty down recently I hope you aren't down because of us." There it is, she was trying to avoid anything regarding their relationship but he went there and now they have to talk, at least in someway tonight had brought this on but they needed to clear the air between them because both know things have been really awkward and weird since the breakup.

"I, I'm okay." She says, her tone is light but her voice is kind of raspy as she says 'okay' but she tries to brush off his worried concern by smiling lightly as best she can and saying. "Really, I'm okay tonight helped a lot. I'm not down, I'm just living. I promise I'm not unhappy or anything, so you don't have to worry." She hoped that he will let this slide and not ask too many more questions. Luckily, he sees that she seems uncomfortable so he drops his next question and nods his head saying okay.

After, this they get a cab dropping off Barney first and then Robin was alone again for the first time tonight. Letting her mind wander, thinking about tonight and the fun she had with Barney but also about Barney's concern about her being sad. He knew there was something going on with her but didn't press her any further. Robin sat in the cab thinking about the last three months.

They were truly happy together, they had so much fun during the summer, their undefined relationship status was fun and lighthearted but then things became too much too fast when they decided to define their relationship and become boyfriend and girlfriend. She tries to wrap her mind around what happened with them, how they ended up the way they did towards the end and where they went wrong. Most, importantly how they ended up so unhappy after being happy during the summer.

Robin, went home that night thinking wondering about her and Barney's relationship. She didn't cry her eyes out as she has been since the breakup instead she went into her dresser draw where she secretly kept some of the pictures and hand written notes from their relationship trying to find, pinpoint just how exactly things went so wrong so fast without either of them realizing it. She, sits on her bed with the photos and the notes placed in front of her. She picks up one of the notes Barney had written her when he did the Robin 101 book, it is a page from the notebook that she kept. She sat trying to piece together what happened to their relationship. Slowly, after a sigh she starts to read it trying to find out exactly what went wrong with their relationship.

 _Robin, I am truly sorry for not showing how important you are to me. I never meant to hurt you by flirting with all those women, if you felt as I wasn't there or putting in effort in this relationship then I am sorry for hurting you. I was never really great at relationships but you, I love you so much and I promise you I'm going to be there for you, if you feel like I'm not then tell me._

 _Anyway, I love you Robin if you read this then you know how much I love you and I hope you understand that even if I mess up a little I still love you and I want you to be happy, so tell me how you're feeling and I'll try more harder to be there for you. Love, Barney!_

She reads this two more times before the tears started to fall from her eyes. It hits her in this moment that the problems they had, they could have overcome. They could have fixed things sooner so breaking up wasn't an option. If they just communicated better then maybe they could have still been together, as a couple playing laser tag and having fun. But, they aren't together. If they just talked more maybe they could have been together on this Christmas. She wouldn't be sad and in pain over the breakup. Suddenly, she now understands after reading this note that Barney wrote during the time he was trying to be a better boyfriend doing the Robin 101 class which is probably where the problems started causing a ripple effect to their breakup.

If they knew these things sooner Robin wouldn't be sitting here on her bed crying as she looks at a picture of the two of them during their happiest time in the summer. They really were happy, falling in love was easy but being in a relationship especially them, was more harder than it should have been and neither realized it sooner.

After, a night of laser tag and finally feeling like her old self again she finally should be getting the closure she should get after a break up but unfortunately she didn't and is still incredibly confused and still heartbroken of her lost relationship. She, hoped to get their friendship back but she realizes now that she's been trying to hold onto their friendship so she wouldn't lose him completely. But, it isn't their friendship she needs to save, it's her heart that doesn't seem to want to erase him from she knows that he's her soulmate, and her mind is telling her that she might never get over this breakup at all. This, is so much more than trying to save their friendship, she's not over Barney and might not ever move on.

But, as she reads it again she also realizes that she's in love. Maybe that's why she can't get over the breakup, she's not over Barney because she's still in love with him.


	9. Moving On But We're Unfinished (S5 P2)

**AN: This chapter continues from where I left off in part 1, this is the second half of season 5. I wanted to show only B/R's feelings during this time, and with the rest of the story. I am not going to write about Ted, the more this story goes on the more he will be more involved like the show however this is a Barney and Robin story line, I'm getting into their heads with this story and want to show what they're thinking and why they make the decisions they made after they break up. I absolutely hated Robin living with Ted, she could have found her own place at some point and not be living with him for as long as she did so I wanted to show why she moved back in with him and what was going on in her mind in this half of the season and through that summer.**

 **I figured out just what I want to do with this story and how many chapters it will have but as I said this is now going season by season. This is the final season 5 chapter and it goes into season 6 which I will dive more into because that was a huge season/time in their lives and their friendship so I will explore that in three chapters because that takes more than 1 chapter to really get into what they were doing and thinking. Season 7 will have 3 chapters as well followed by 2 chapters for season 8 and 9. Anyways, enjoy the rest of season 5.**

* * *

The beginning of the year started off as a mostly depressing start to the new year for Robin. She, and Barney hadn't really been on speaking terms even though back on the holidays last year they spent some time together, they only had that one time playing laser tag but after that Christmas came and then New Years and both of those times were spent with their friends in the group or alone. It lonely and sad. This past holiday season, Barney and Robin thought they would be spending it together but since they broke up, they're single, unhappy, depressed and dragging themselves through the last two months of the year. But, 2010 started off to a slow but depressing start for them until Barney finds out that Robin was deeply hurting over their breakup. As, much as he tried to distract himself from thoughts of Robin and the breakup and the reason for the breakup. He didn't realize that Robin was doing the same thing. Trying, desperately to pull themselves out of their funk from the breakup while still trying to maintain their friendship, however both found themselves miserable, then they found out just how much pain they were in for the past four months. They, tried to shake the depression from the aftermath of the break up but nothing helped them cure their heartbreak.

When, Barney found out that Robin has been hurting for this long time since the breakup. Barney, did his best to make it up to her by giving her the super-date with Don. And, even though he's heartbroken himself over the breakup, Robin's needs was always, has always been his first and only priority in his life before, during and after their relationship. But, he does regret not going on that date with Robin. Even though, he hates this Don guy and has heard more than enough to know he's not the right guy for Robin. He still saw how hurt she was over their breakup and him not caring about her even though he was also hurting in the wake of their breakup, and has been trying to do the best he could to forget about her and move on. But, watching her date Don and pretending he's happy for her is making him want to go out and smash some TVs but then he hears that Robin and Don are going to move in together and that makes him livid. So, pissed because she never once asked if she wants to move in with him and that's for the most part, part of the reason he loses it when he and Ted fight to win Robin over. He, knew it was wrong, and he was being stupid and selfish but the pain from the breakup and watching her move on with Don brought on more emotions than he had been pretending not to have for these past months.

He, loves her. Plain. Simple. Wholly. He loves her and watching her with Don (that annoying, underwear wearing loser) was not making him think straight. Then, to make matters worse Robin decides she needs a break from the gang. He goes home that night even more depressed, lost, sad, upset, alone and for the first time in months he doesn't drink the pain away as he's done in the days and weeks post the break up. He goes into his bedroom, goes to his closet, and pulls out the hidden box he had put in there a week after they broke up. He, places it on the bed and sits down after opening it up. He, takes out some post-it notes, pictures and a bottle of Scotch he was saving for them to use during the holidays which never came. He, doesn't open the bottle however he holds it tightly in one hand and in the other holds a picture of the two of them on what was their forth date all together, but only the third date during the summer. Back, in August before the gang found out they were together, they went on their third date, making the total of dates they had four during that summer the first one being the date Robin didn't know was a date a year prior to this one. He looks at it for a second, then looks away when he suddenly felt a tear roll down his cheek. He wipes it away then turns back to the picture.

"Where did it all go wrong? When, did I lose you?" He says in a whisper as more tears, unexpectedly come pouring out unstoppable. He really lost her, it finally hits him that after all these months trying to rebuild their friendship, he was ignoring the fact that he's still in love, and it's not going away and might never go away.

He holds the picture but puts back the bottle of scotch in the box, taking the post-it notes that were on top of everything else then he puts the box on the floor while still holding the picture, but this time he has more than just the one picture he's holding. Something, he doesn't know what broke them up so quickly he didn't realize then just how much being in the relationship changed him. Maybe, just maybe the reason they broke up is because they were slowly losing themselves in the relationship, they seemed barely recognizable at the end. He, somehow lost himself and lost Robin in the process of being the boyfriend she needed or what a conventional relationship dictates. Shaking his head, it dawned on him in this moment that he, Barney Stinson will always no matter how far apart they are will always love her but he finds himself struggling on the reason they broke up and can't figure out where it all went down hill.

In that moment of realization it also hits him that she is really gone from his life. Not just as his ex, but as a friend. He not only lost the love of his life but she isn't his friend either anymore and that hurts even more than he cared to admit. They, were trying to save their friendship from their fallen relationship but what that did was make both of them even more lost.

As, for Robin she tried her best to make this relationship with Don work. And, the only way to do that is to put him first, even if she knows she's rushing things too fast she still wants to work hard to make this thing work. After, the breakup with Barney and then the breakdowns and him finding out about those breakdowns. She, wanted to make this work like she tried but failed to do so with Barney. She, put all she had into making it work, so much so that she had to give up hanging out with her friends and move in with Don even though it was way too soon for that. They, barely know each other, so she pushed herself and tried to move on the best she could but not having her best friends around especially Barney to make her laugh like he used to. Was more sadder than she thought when she made the decision to take this time to focus on Don. Losing, Barney, then losing her friends made her severely depressed but she hid behind this relationship with Don because that's what she thought she needed to get over Barney.

After, the move she did like living with Don but there was something there that didn't feel right. She, tried to move this relationship more faster than any of her other relationships but even though Don was sweet at times. She is constantly reminded why she didn't like him when they first met. He would do things that would annoy or put her off, even the whole milk thing was something he did to impress the gang, it wasn't something he started to do more often, just for the heck of it to impress her. But, she tried to make this work until she got a job offer in Chicago. She, thought and thought about it but the more she thought about it the more she wanted to try to not have another relationship end as fast as it started. Plus, she didn't want to leave her friends. So, she declined the offer. But, unfortunately once she declined the job they called Don. She, had her reasons for leaving Don but this wasn't one of them. Now, she's homeless and doesn't know what to do.

Barney, has been desperately trying to find whatever kind of distraction he could in the wake of losing Robin and that meant putting on a show for his friends and the public, the mask he wears so tightly is even more tighter now. It, wasn't the taxi he borrowed, it wasn't the women he picked up and bedded, it wasn't the playbook, it wasn't the plays, it wasn't trying something new. It was Robin. Trying to get over her made him more and more depressed. But, then he finds out that she and Don broke up, he moved away to take the job they offered her in Chicago. But, the good thing in all of this is Robin returning to the gang with a smile and hugs because even though he's missed her. It took her return to put a smile back on his face.

When, they hug it feels like everything's right in the world again. They had missed each other, but she had to try to make her relationship with Don work. She, hated leaving her friends but she's glad she's back where she belongs. This is her home. She belongs in _this_ city, with her friends who are her family and even though her job and career isn't where she would have liked it to be right now. She's happy that she's back home again. She, returns to live with Ted hoping it wouldn't be too long of a stay while searching for a new apartment. As, the summer arrives she tries to move on from Don, however at times she did feel a ping of sadness not because she missed Don just because yet another relationship failed after trying so hard to make it work. But, maybe trying was pushing it too much and that's why it ended as fast as it did. Losing Barney and then pushing this relationship it messed her up, so much so that she sometimes had breakdowns, the kind of breakdowns she used to have post breakup with Barney. Everything that has happened since their breakup seemed to go back to Barney and the heartbreak she still felt months, even now (the summer after the best summer of her life), it's been months since they broke up, but yet she finds herself still thinking about Barney and what went wrong before they ended things..

She, guesses that all the trying with Don after trying with Barney it all came crushing down on her mind and heart making her have the breakdowns in the months after the breakup with Don. Don, breaking up with her for the job she _did_ want pushed her over the edge causing her emotions to get the better of her feelings. She's, held them tightly in her since the breakup with Barney and now after Don it was bound to come right back to her breaking down her walls once again and breaking her in the process. As, best as she tried to hold it together this was her breaking point.

"Hey, didn't know you'd be here today. Thought you were working." Barney, had burst in to the apartment looking for Ted when he finds Robin sitting on the couch, her hair is slightly a mess probably from sleep and not brushing it, she looks like she's been crying, her face: cheeks, eyes, nose were all reddened, and she also had rings around her eyes. The second thing he notices about her is that she is nowhere near ready to go to work. So, it got him worried, wondering what she's doing in the apartment at 9 in the morning when he knows she should still be at work at this hour.

"Yeah, didn't go in. Called in sick." She says, not moving from her spot on the couch.

She, looks terrible and Barney begins to wonder then put the pieces together of why Robin looks the why she does and why she called in sick to work. Don. The breakup with Don has clearly pushed her over the edge, so much so that she looks like she just got out of bed with a killer hangover, she's wearing sweats, an old t-shirt and socks (he thinks it's summer why where socks at this time of the year?) is his first thought his second thought is. He feels sad for her, but he hates to think this has something to do with Don. The loser dumped her and ran to Chicago, how on earth is she so upset over that relationship ending? But, Barney shakes that thought and goes on to say.

"Is Ted here, I wanted to ask him something?" He had come here to talk to Ted about wingmanning him later on tonight at the bar, but then he saw Robin and all the thoughts of talking to Ted went out the window. When, Robin is sad or angry or looking like she hasn't showered in days gets him to stop what he's doing or wants to do to cater to her needs. Even, though it isn't his place he sees how down she's been lately and it's been two months since the breakup with Don. Why, be so heartbroken over someone who clearly didn't care about her needs or wants to think about her first before taking a job that should have been hers.

But, he digresses sadly? Maybe more pissed off for Robin's sake because clearly this breakup hit her more than he wants to admit. He, doesn't say anything about that, but when he sees a bro? Ex? Friend, down like this he always wants to make them feel better, especially when that friend is Robin.

"No, he just left a half hour ago to work.' Uh hah, he thought he could beat him leaving to work but it seems like he was too late. Or, maybe just on time...

"Hey, would you like to go play laser tag? We haven't done that since December." He wants to try to cheer her up, the only way to do that is to get her up, dressed and think about other things not sulking on the couch like she regrets making the decision she knew was her best decision to make. That, loser leaving her makes him want to punch a wall then go to Chicago to punch him for leaving the most wonderfully awesome person he's ever met. Then, he kicks himself of that thought because he left her too, all though it was mutual, he still would never leave Robin and not care about her feelings.

"No, not in the mood." Is all she says. He knew she would say that so he doesn't push any further.

He, just sits on the couch beside her picking up her legs and placing them on his lap. He rubs them up and down then stops. Since, she doesn't want to go out he's going to stay here and keep her company… you know, as the great/awesome friend that he is. When, he sat down and then place her legs on her lap she's instantly brought back to their summer last year. They used to do this a lot, sitting, relaxing and enjoying their free time together at his apartment (when nobody knew about them being together) they would kick back and watch his big TV, with a movie or TV show and she remembers being so at ease in the relationship (before they even admitted they were in a relationship) it was easy for her and them to just relax and enjoy being together. Those lazy days, either mornings on the weekends or late nights were always her favorite times from the summer. Not, ready to admit that they were dating let alone boyfriend and girlfriend. They knew they were acting like they were boyfriend and girlfriend, it was easy and fun, they sometimes even at times like these it would lead to them making out then them having sex right there on the couch. Those, times were always her more carefree happiest times. Unlike, this current summer. Alone and sad. She had Barney there, making her happy and she loved every minute she got to spend with him on those lazy days or even on days when they were apart. The sex was amazing, every time they see each other again after being apart for whatever length of time they were apart, they always found the time to see each other.

Those, times. Being carefree with someone who cares about you and you care about made Robin think back on those times realizing that maybe after all this time it was Barney she's been depressed, sad, even a little bitter about losing. Maybe, this depression has everything to do with her breakup with Barney (she was really, really happy last summer) and nothing to do with Don leaving her for a job, even though it was her dream job. This breakdown, or these continued breakdowns are what she's been feeling since the breakup with Barney. All, of those memories of last summer and everything that has happened in the last months, it all came hitting her in the face so hard that the memories of last summer started to make her start crying again, after she stopped crying a bit ago when he came in looking for Ted. She, had stopped crying, but didn't even try to fix herself to look even a little put together in the presence of Barney Stinson. No, she just sat there as he talked then sat down placing her feet on to of his legs not saying anything more after he smiles at her then turns the TV on to catch some of the morning shows.

In, that moment Robin realizes why she has been feeling like the world around her has caved in on her. She's still in love with him. It hits her that after all these months, Barney's still the one who gets her emotions going, crying uncontrollably like she was after they broke up.

She, looks at him but he doesn't look her way. In this very moment, even the little things like sitting down and keeping her company because he knows she's not happy and needs some support and understanding right now. Unlike Lily or Ted, he doesn't push her further into talking because he knows she won't talk about it. But, then it hits her that this is something that she should be talking about… but with him, nobody else. Barney's the one she had been trying but failing to get over for months, even using Don and pushing that relationship too fast and too soon to try to stop the pain of the heartbreak she felt when her relationship with Barney ended.

A, rush of emotions and feelings in her heart came spilling out so quickly that when she started sobbing, Barney wasn't paying attention to her sudden bout of tears forming in her eyes. He, looks at her for just a second realizing that she's crying, her sobs get him to look at her. He doesn't say anything, just moves her legs to move over on the couch bringing her into a hug.

"Robin, come on. Calm down, I know you have been sad over this Don situation but there's no need to be this upset over that guy, he was clearly not worthy of you and he didn't deserve you or your love." What, he doesn't get is that this has nothing to do with Don and everything to do with memories of him and realizing that she's still deeply in love with him but deeply depressed still, over their relationship ending. They, were so in love once and it all came crashing down around them so fast it broke them up too soon.

They even got engaged, that's something she's never done or wanted with or from any other guy she was with. And, even though she moved in and moved as fast in the relationship with Don. She was never thinking about marriage, not ever with him. Moving in was a bit too soon and now she realizes she, they shouldn't have done that. It was a rash and stupid decision on her part to push this relationship into something she wasn't yet ready for or even wanted from the relationship. She just thought it was something she had to do at the time, to try and make the relationship work when she knew her heart was still with someone else.

"No, no it's not that at all." She says, making sure he knows and understands that the reason she's crying isn't about the breakup with Don. She's crying because of the breakup with him, the mistake of that breakup pushed her to make things work with Don hiding behind her feelings, pretending that Don meant something to her when she barely knew him, and he barely knew her. Despite, how great they got along towards the end and having the same career. She knows now that she didn't let the relationship continue when Don took that job she wanted, because she wasn't in love. Plain and simple, she wasn't in love with Don and used him to try to get over the breakup with Barney.

"Then why are you so emotional right now?" He had taken a handkerchief from his suit pocket and started to dab her cheeks and eyes with it, while she was trying to stop her own tears from flowing more constantly. She's in the arms of the man she still loves, but she can't tell him that so she just says.

"I guess it's been a crazy year for me. It all just came back to make me, thinking of the things I lost. That's why I started getting emotional. But, I'm fine you really didn't have to stay I was okay by myself, in fact I prefer being by myself." He shakes his head no. "I'm not leaving, Robin even though you aren't telling me the real reason why you're crying, I'm not going anywhere." In truth, he was supposed to be at work ten minutes ago but stopped by Ted's to talk to him. But, Robin had become more important so he stayed and is staying until she's 100% okay and well looks descent enough to present to the world, like the beauty that she is.

This statement just makes her cry again. He pulls her into him again and she rests her head on his shoulder. In, that moment it just slips out unexpectedly. "I love you." This, made them both freeze. Hearing that and saying it, after all these months she still loves him and couldn't hold it in any longer. She, didn't want to hold it in any longer because after months of being severely depressed over him, she finally figures out why she can't, even though she tried to. Move on from him.

"What?" He pulls away, wondering where that came from. He, thought this breakdown was due to Don and the job she wanted but it isn't. It's so much more than that, and both know it in this moment.

"I-I," she gets up quickly and walks backwards away from him. He gets up as well, but stays in the spot he's standing in. She stammers saying 'I' more and more then stops when Barney gives her this odd look. "I didn't mean to say that out loud. It was 'an in the moment' thing, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." But, her voice says something completely different in his ears.

"No, no I know you. You meant it. The, L word that's something you don't normally say when it isn't provoked in some way. So, what's really going on Robin? And, don't lie and brush this off like you usually do. I heard it in your voice. You love me." In, that moment they just stop and look at each other. For the first time in months, they look at each other and both realize that it's true.

The, next thing they knew they were kissing. God, it felt good, great, amazing even to be kissing each other again and both felt it. The pent up anger, emotions and everything they were feelings for the past months came poring out into this kiss, this surprising out of nowhere passionate kiss. This was nothing like the way Don kissed her, or anyone else for that matter. This was the way Barney always kissed her, in that summer last year and in September. They both feel it, they're in love. But, then they hear a key in the door and break apart. Ted, enters and they try their best to look as though nothing happened.

"Oh, hey Barney didn't know you were going to be here today." Ted says, not even noticing anything going on between the two standing awkwardly beside each other.

"Yeah, I came to see you but you already left." He says moving his feet towards the door. "But, I was just leaving, so I see you Ted." He opens the door and rushes out, leaving Robin in a huff which only made her feel weird as Ted started talking to her about whatever it was he was telling her, she wasn't paying much if not at all attention.

Later, that evening Barney did go to the bar as he said he was. But, there was no Robin in sight just Marshall and Lily arguing about starting a family. Which, was a good distraction from his thoughts. All, for the rest of the day, he hadn't stopped thinking about that kiss and what it really meant. He was beyond distracted at work for the remainder of the day, then at home and then finally at Maclaren's which is where he ended up anyway, to try to forget about Robin and that kiss.

The way she kissed him back, it was everything. Everything, he's been dreaming and wanting for months, was finally put into words and actions in this case it was her who ran up to him kissing him so very hard and passionately in that moment. All, day he thought about what this means or what it could mean, he hoped to talk to Robin, hoping she would be here. But she isn't, meaning she probably hasn't left the apartment or even showered and dressed properly since he left abruptly. And, for Robin it was the same feeling. She can't stop thinking about what she said to him and what the kiss meant, it meant everything to her too. After, briefly talking to Ted she goes into her room and closes and locks the door, leaning up against it closing her eyes then opening them.

"Wow, that was..." she can't think of what the next word will be because it was something else other than amazing. It was everything and more, but can't be described as one word.

She, kissed him, after months of heartbreak and trying to get over him she kissed him and he kissed back. It was an impulsive move, but one that she knew she had to make in that moment. She, loves him. That, is what is true and has been true for months and it all came out in that amazing, breathtaking kiss they shared. She, just climbs in bed after that crying herself to sleep but this time it wasn't a lost job she was crying over it was Barney. The only guy worthy of her tears, Don wasn't worthy but she doesn't care. Barney's the one, but she's too scared to lose him so she goes on to pretend as she has always done when it came to Barney. She pretends, ignores and continues to have some more breakdowns over what others think is her failed relationship with Don. But, it was her failed relationship and heartbreaking breakup with Barney that's her real, main cause of her breakdowns for the next month.

Barney and Robin, go on and pretend as nothing happened between them. As, the summer starts to go into fall they keep ignoring the kiss while ignoring each other, they pretend they are nothing more than just friends, and as the fall comes around Barney hadn't been picking up any girls in the last two months and hasn't slept around either, he even stopped running plays. Everything, that's on his mind has everything to do with Robin and being unable to fight and stop these feelings he has for her. And, Robin continues to be a sad mess in the next two months but she's really not sad anymore. She's come to terms with whatever she was feeling from the Don breakup and started to think about Barney, who has been on her mind since they kissed two months ago. But, they do pretend it's what they do best and as September came so did Robin finally leaving the apartment that wasn't to go to work… and it was all because Barney dared to pour salt on her already broken heart-wound because she can't stop, even if she's tried to. She can't stop thinking about Barney. Loving him.


End file.
